the other side of fear // n.h.

part 3

"God, you really thought this through." The anger is gone from his voice. Now he just sounds tired.

And I'm tired too. But unlike Seth, my night isn't over yet. I have to be on stage in twenty minutes.

"You know me," I say. "Always prepared."

"Sure," Seth says. "You don't remember that time we got caught in the rain because you refused to bring an umbrella? Even though it'd been raining all night."

Despite the heaviness in my chest, the memory makes me laugh. My fingers were cold for hours after. "Yeah, I remember." I take a breath. "Hey, I meant what I said. Better as friends. You're an important part of my life, and I don't want to lose you."

Seth lets out a breath, like it's an extension of the one I just took. "Yeah, okay. We can talk details soon. Have a good show."

——-

Hey Code,

Back in London for a week before I head out to New York. You haven't mentioned your new stuff lately—how's it going? Anything I can do to help?

I'm sure you heard about my spot on Ellen by now. We can talk more about it when I see you. I was beginning to think that we'd never be in the same place at the same time, but now NY is only a week away. Crazy, innit?

Talk soon,

Niall

——-

"Your Mom called to let us know she's bringing everyone she's ever met to Chicago this weekend," Ray tells me as we're cruising through Indiana. "Why haven't you called her?"

I'm sitting on my bunk attempting to read a book, but I toss it aside. I'm not getting anywhere with it. There's too much going on in my head, and none of it is helping me write. "Because she leeches my energy like a parasitic energy-sucker."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"That's because talking about her right now is leeching my brain power."

Ray throws a pillow at me. "You're ridiculous. Now give me the timeline again."

"Okay," I say. I've been over it a thousand times in my head, so it should be easy enough to repeat to Ray. "So, Chicago. We do the show together like we'd planned. And then two days later, Seth and I are going to announce the breakup on our stories. We're gonna approve each other's posts before the show on Friday, when we officially notarize the breaking of the contract. And then three days after we announce it, we'll be in New York and Niall will be here."

"Après le déluge."

"Or the eye of the storm."

Ray rolls her eyes. "Don't think about it like that. When are you going to tell Niall how you feel about him? Are you waiting until you see him?"

I nod. "I think that's best. What if he doesn't feel the same way and decides he doesn't want to come? Or, worse, what if he doesn't feel the same way but decides to come anyway?"

Ray looks around for another pillow to throw at me, but there aren't any left. Instead, she goes for an insult. "You think too much. Must be why your head's so big."

"Aw, shucks."

——-

Seth: 2pm at the Trump hotel

Cody: Really??? Are you setting me up?

Seth: Seriously, Cody? You broke my heart but I'm not a terrible person