above us only sky. lucas

iii

thursday, july 15th, 2018

we went back to the coffee shop and i can honestly say that my prosopagnosia meant that when i saw her face, i became awestruck again. i guess that means that every time i see her i'll fall for her all over again.

i have a tv appearance tonight on some show i was told will be fun but i'm just afraid i'll forget who someone is. my coping mechanism in those situations is just to laugh it off or say something funny. works like a charm.

kun is sitting on his bed now, reading a book on something. his identifiers for me are his smile and his hair because they stand out most to me: the way his hair flicks up a little and comes back down again, if that makes any sense at all.

when he reads he talks to himself, he quietly reads out loud, but not loud enough to be distracting.

i just asked kun if we can go to the cafe again tomorrow and he's becoming suspicious. he just put down his book and asked me why, it felt like he was my father for a split second.

i told him why i wanted to go back, but at the same time i didn't. my mind is now in a battle with itself in if i should tell kun or not about what's wrong with me. i know he'll be accepting and understanding but that still doesn't make me any less afraid.

screw it. here goes nothing.

bye, lucas.

~

"kun have you ever heard of prosopagnosia?" i ask, kun folded the corner down on his page and set his book down on his lap.
"yeah, that thing where you're face blind, why?" his head tilts in the slightest at his own question.
"i have it..." i say in a voice barely audible. "i've had it since i was five or six, and nobody but my family knows. i've been too afraid to tell anyone in case they think there's something wrong with me. i wanted to go back to the coffee shop so i can see soo-mi the girl behind the counter because i can't draw up an image of what she looks like and i want to remember her. i really do." i look up and see understanding radiating from his dark eyes.
"so you can't recognise anyone?" he whispers as if his words are precious. "not even family, friends or yourself?' he puts emphasis on the last word.
i nod sadly and look down at my clammy hands.
"i find identifiers in people but if you asked me to describe what... mark looked like right now then i couldn't tell you unless he was standing right in front of me." i sighed heavily.
"lucas, it's okay." kun says before enveloping me in a tight hug.

and in that moment it felt as if a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

it was going to be okay.