I love seeing Ethan drive. I always have.
It's very calm in the car right now, nobody talks, there's no music on. Ethan is focused on the road.
Sometimes he frowns when someone can't drive in front of him. Sometimes he smiles at people that thank him when he let them cross the road.
Sometimes he runs a hand through his hair, or rubs his eyes.
He is so beautiful.
He is all the time, but especially when he is focused. Something about him is just so mesmerizing when he is oblivious that someone his watching him.
His way of being himself is beautiful in itself.
God I love him so much.
When I opened to door of the Neon pizzeria, I realized how much I missed this place.
I used to come her almost everyday with James when the twins and Bryant were in Australia, and it's there that I learned to know him.
I also used to go there with Emma when the twins were filming in their house and I wanted to leave them space. I helped her come up with so many videos ideas here, I help her edit. And so many things.
The countless laughs, the countless deep conversations and the countless smiles...
That's memories I don't want to forget.
I enter the pizzeria and I see James, he is sat with the other at the table but is the only one facing me.
It's been so long since we last saw each other.
He got up at the moment he saw me and walked towards me. And when he was only 3 feet away from me, he stopped and opened his arms wild.
I let him hug me, hugging him back, letting his warmth warm me, for the first time in so long.
I forgot how magical physical connection was.
A simple hug, a simple handshake or whatever it is. The warmth, the electricity...
"I missed you so much sister, you can't even imagine." James murmured in my ear.
"I missed you too James."
We stayed like that a few more seconds before someone cleared their throat next to us. And when we finally pulled away, I saw that it was Bryant.
"I want a hug too." He said. "I missed you."
I smiled and hugged him.
I love my friends.
I love them more that I cant explain.
They helped me stay alive. They made me happy, the happiest I have ever been. They made me enjoy life and appreciate what I have.
And I look at them and I feel so lucky.
I have a great life.
And having a great life doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It doesn't mean that I don't feel pain or that I don't feel scared or lonely sometimes.
Because that is life. Life is all of that. It's the bad and the good, all together.
Because at the end of the day you can choose to either focus on what's killing you, or what's holding you on to life.
And I will never been healthy. But I'll not die regretting a thing. I'll die proud.
I have experienced a lot of pain in my life and I'm not pretending that I haven't. I've had to deal with painful surgeries, I've had to deal with being alone and scared.
But I've had a beautiful life, and one that I am so incredibly proud of. And that is not in spite of Leukemia...
That's because of it.
I'm proud of my life.
I am so proud of my life.
YOU ARE READING
Ethan had his life all planned. He knew who he was, he knew what he loved, he had everything he ever wanted. But then he met Mao. And everything changed. And sometimes the most beautiful things hurt the most. - COMPLETED -