By Sunrise

44 9 6

Author: -radihoes

Genre: Fantasy


I find the cover to be elegant and attractive, and it fits the story that you have developed so far. I can imagine how the title will come into play as the story goes on, and you give the audience a hint towards its meaning in your blurb.

Grammatical errors:
Prologue 0.1: "...a last whisper of My darling echoing in her ears." Here, the word "my" does not need to be capitalized, as it is not a proper noun nor is it the first word of a sentence. 
Prologue 0.2: In the middle of this section, you used capital letters and bold formatting to emphasize certain phrases. Instead, you may want to consider italicizing this section instead, which provides the same effect but with more professional formatting. 
Prologue 0.3 Part 1: "She heard the clock towers struck even in the blackness of a dreamless sleep." Here, the word "struck" should be changed to "strike" in order to fit the tense of the story. 

From the first paragraph, I felt that some of your descriptions were overdone and some words were overused. For example, in paragraph 1 of Prologue 0.1, you use the word "skin" four times. Perhaps to make your explanation less repetitive, you may want to find other words/phrases to describe the character's skin. It seems that you are going for very thorough and poetic descriptions, but keep in mind that "less is more" in some cases. In the first paragraph, writing something like "The skin on her chest and along her collarbones was prickling, like needles being stabbed into her fragile throat" would work very well. The descriptions that you used, although very thorough, are almost overwhelming to your audience. It makes them feel as if they need to imagine much more than what is actually being shown. 

Despite this, it is obvious that you have put lots of time and effort into developing your story. The descriptions are a bit excessive, but it is clear that you have an eye for detail and you want to include as many explanations as possible. I think with some editing and minor rephrasing, the story could really take off and attract a large audience!

The plot of your story started off very interesting, and in Prologue 0.1 and 0.2 you beautifully showed the character's dream and how she was originally quite fearful of it, yet grew used to the common occurrence. You also ended Prologue 0.2 on a suspenseful note that drew your readers into the next section. 

The organization of the story, however, seems a bit discombobulated. Prologues are generally small sections that are used as a short introduction to give your audience some background information, which will later be incorporated into the story. By having multiple prologues in the story, you may as well begin your story there, since it all builds on each other. If you really feel you need so many sections to your prologue, you may want to consider splitting it up within one chapter, in order to give your reader a clear idea of the story's background and where you will actually begin the story. 

Because of the multiple prologues, there is not much character development, and your audience hardly knows anything about your characters at all. You primarily describe sensory details through your characters, but you don't include many descriptions on what the characters are thinking or how they are emotionally feeling. Without internal dialogue and explanations, your audience doesn't have much to relate to, and they don't understand the significance of the events that are occurring. 

Overall, I think your story has lots of potential and you seem to have given the plot lots of thought and consideration. The story did start off a bit slow due to the many prologues that all built on the same idea, but I anticipate that the story will become much more exciting once you start publishing the main parts. 

Book Reviews (Closed for Catch-Up)Read this story for FREE!