Coffee with Cigarettes - p.jm x m.yg

-0.1-

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maybe it was your dark eyes that matched the dark bitter sweet coffee you ordered every day.
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6:17 am.
the time keeps passing by and i've gone through more than 1,000 sleepless nights like this one.

i turn on my side and see the light shining through the white curtains and my desk cluttered with all the work from before.

i got up and stretched and picked up my uniform and got to the same boring routine. the same routine that never seems to end.

i finish washing my face and look into the mirror to meet the same emotionless eyes staring back at me. the eye bags that had formed and the puffiness of my lips. my cheeks once had color like a pink rose, yet now they are pale as if the roses had lost their pigment.

1,000 more sleepless nights like this.

then maybe the roses one come back to life again.

my bleached blonde hair stood out in weird places, maybe it's time to dye it and change up my schedule again.

i always say that but in the end, my hair lost its color too.

i left it down and collected my things. made my way to the train station and quickly got ontoy designated cart and looked around trying to find any seat not taken.

sadly none were free and i stood by the door holding onto the pole and stared out the window that showed nothing but concrete walls until we exited the building and i was met the bright sun.

the sun keeps everyone going in a constant state and as it refuses to stop and give others any extra amount of time.

the shining star, giving us life and light, laughs as others rush to their destination in a hurry of being kept out in the dark and frowns when others waste their time.

i enjoy the ride into the city as i hear the small mutters of the other passengers and the occasional cry or whine of a baby. today was just like every other day, always the same routine.

some say i waste my time allowing the same things to happen, yet is it really my fault? is it my fault that if things wanted to happen then they'd happen? why must i be the one to do it, it's as if fate refuses to let the sun shine on me. it's as if it is taunting me and laughing in my face urging for me to do something new.

yet i have never been able to do that without a consequence so in the end i refuse and stand still. it's an understatement i don't feel the ache of my heart as i watch those close to me feel so far as they move foreword and lunge into the abyss.

i am told i seem to look down on others and act as if i am so high but i don't, i'm not. i'm simply allowing the things to pass by. don't people see that as i do that every part of my body burns in the feeling of regret as i let something that could've happen slip through my hands.

ding!

i have reached my stop. so i suppose nothing else new will happen, i will still continue the same path. the same routine again.

"hey watch it!" a small shout was heard.

i turn my head and see a man as small, maybe even smaller than me, argue with another who had bumped into him.

i don't know what had happened yet i stormed over there as i saw the taller male raise a fist and the smaller's eyes widen in shock. i pushed the taller man as he drunkenly fell to the floor. he wreaked of alcohol, sadness and pure loneliness. security came by right away. once i informed them of what happened they carried him off to who knows where.

this is not in my routine.

i sighed and turned to the male that is only an inch smaller than me and see that he looked a little displeased.

"are you oka-" i was cut off.

"i didn't need your help but thanks." he rolled his eyes and stormed off.

i narrowed my eyes at his back after the rude thanks he'd tossed my way. he seems familiar but i shrug and decide to put myself back on track.

i exit the stop and a gust of wind meets my face. i look up to the grey filled sky as it seems the world is going to start crying. the big shining ball of light hidden behind the clouds and the people rushing to get inside somewhere.

i didn't bring an umbrella, and yet i didn't rush. i took my time breathing in the crisp chilly air and made my way to my work. i made my way to the one thing i found comfort in, my good sweet cafe.

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ik i was supposed to start it after lb but i couldn't help myself 😔👉🏼👈🏼

-rosie