Afraid

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I really don't know how I could've let this happen.

I know he's going to be disappointed, I can feel it. We've only been together for a little over a year, but that's not enough time for this type of situation. It's been the happiest year of my life, but I don't know if it"ll ever be the same now. I don't know if he would even want it to be the same. I don't know if he would even want anything to do with me. He never mentioned having kids so I figure he doesn't really want any. But he's going to have a child, according to this stupid plastic stick.

I let out a sigh and opened up the second box, following the same directions as before. I was just as anxious as the first time, even though I knew the results were probably going to be the same.

I could feel it and there was no denying, yet there was still that little shred of hope that I was wrong. That everything would be fine and stay the way is usually is. That I wouldn't - we wouldn't - have a child to take care of so soon.

The minutes felt like hours as they ticked away. The anxiety was building and building and I felt like I was gonna pass out. Finally, the five long and tortuous minutes went by and I looked over at the stick sitting on the counter. The large plus sign stared back at me as I let out a large sigh.

The tears were prickling at my eyes as I heard a voice from outside of the bathroom door.

"You okay in there?" Blake asked, the concern dripping from his voice.

I threw the test in the trash can and gathered myself. "Yeah, I'll be out in a second." I swiped at my eyes, catching the tears before they threatened to fall and looked in the full length mirror. I stared at my flat tummy in disbelief and amazement.

I had always dreamed of becoming a mom, ever since I was little girl. I just didn't expect motherhood to come so soon. To be honest, I was afraid. I was afraid of failing and being a bad parent, in general. And at this particular moment, I was afraid of Blake's reaction. I was afraid that he was going to reject me and his unborn child. He's a damn NBA player, making his way to the top, and the last thing I want is to get in the way of his success.

I let out another sigh and walked out of the bathroom, a smile forced on my face.

"You good?" He asked, his eyebrows scrunched together. Just seeing his face scattered with cute little freckles made my heart drop down into my stomach.

"Never been better." I let the lie slip through my lips smoothly.

He looked me in the eyes for a moment before motioning to the objects in his hands. "It's your turn to pick the movie," he said. "And pick something that's actually good this time please."

I rolled my eyes and randomly chose one, not really paying attention to the title. He didn't give any hints that he was disappointed, so I must have done something right.

I made my way down the stairs, Blake trailing closely behind. I went to the kitchen as he was in the living room putting the movie on. Sticking a bag of popcorn of microwave, I could hear him talking about something, but I couldn't pay attention. My mind obviously elsewhere.

I watched him sit on the couch and fumble with the remote, still going on about the movie, probably. I knew I had to tell him soon, but my fears were getting the better of me. It was terrifying to know that our relationship would probably change for the worst when I would tell him those two words.

The beeping of the microwave snapped me out of my thoughts. After putting the popcorn in a bowl, I made my way to the living room and plopped on the couch.

Twenty minutes later, I was curled up against Blake as he laughed at whatever was happening on the screen. I wasn't paying attention to what was going on and it caught me by surprise when he paused the movie.

"What's wrong?" He asked, voice low. I felt my heart sink.

I looked up at him and answered almost immediately. "Nothing."

He narrowed his eyes before effortlessly placing me onto his lap, facing him. He looked me straight in the eye. "Don't lie to me. I know something's wrong, I can see it in your face."

I looked down as the words got stuck in my throat. I knew there was no way out of this one so I might as well suck it up and get it over with. Yet there was the fear pulling me back.

"Baby, you know you can tell me anything. Just spit it out." He reassured.

I sighed and looked back up at him. It was now or never. "Promise you won't get mad?"

He raised his eyebrow and I knew I wasn't going to get a solid answer out of him.

"Well," I started, clearing my throat. "I'm, um. I'm pregnant."

Blake's facial expression didn't change as the seconds ticked by, which terrified me. "What?"

I shook my head muttering a "nevermind" before beginning to get up from my spot on his lap. I didn't get far at all, because he pulled me back down. "No. What did you just say?"

"I'm pregnant, Blake." I repeated. I was almost certain he was going to flip.

"Are you sure?" He asked, both of his eyebrows raised.

"Yes, I'm sure. I took two tests. Look, I-"

"This is great," Blake cut me off, his eyes gleaming. "I can't believe I'm actually going to be a father."

What? "You're actually excited about this? You don't hate me?" I asked, the confusion apparent.

He scrunched his eyebrows together. "Hate you? Why would I hate you?"

My face got hot and I grew embarrassed. I felt stupid now. "I just thought that you would be upset." I mumbled looking down.

He lifted up my chin with his finger, forcing me to look in his eyes. "But why?"

"Think about it. We've only been together for a year. And you're doing so well in your career. I don't want to mess things up for you."

He let out a sigh. "Listen to me carefully. I'm not mad, okay?" I nodded. "I know it's only been a year, but that doesn't matter. It's been the happiest year of my life so far and I love you. Don't worry about my career, I'm going be here for you and our baby whether you like it or not. I'm excited and you should be too."

At that particular moment I wanted to cry. I felt dumb for thinking that Blake was going to hate me. At the same time, I was lucky for having a guy like him in my life. He was the best thing that ever happened to me and I couldn't imagine living without him.

In my realization and new found excitement, I hugged him as tight as I could. He chuckled and hugged me back.

"I love you so much." I mumbled into the crook of his neck.

He pulled me away from him too look me in the eye. "I love you too, baby. Always." Then he leaned in and my lips connected with his.
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