I am Forgotten

Forgotten

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I slid the cold blade into my wrist feeling it getting warmer as my body heat surged through it. I pushed the blade a little deeper. Not to deep though just deep enough to give me the satisfaction.  Because I am alone. I am, Forgotten.

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" What do you want from me James!" My brother scratched at my door. "What does your five year old ass want?" I yelled. Seconds later my mother came into my room, james wrapped around her leg. 

" Damien is here." She said with a sweet smile. "You know I really like Damien he's not like your last boy friend," She began to bend down and pick up my dirty clothes. Mom looked around my room and straightened up my purple zebra striped comforter.  She left the room sighing with James still wrapped around her leg being dragged on the bark oak wood floor. I looked over to my knee high hot pink converse and laughed thinking of the time when I dressed  Damien up in them with heavy make up. A knock on the door pulled me out of my trance. It was Damien.

"Hey babe!" He walked over and kissed me lightly on the cheek.

"Hi, did you bring your stuff?" I chirped

" Yeah, it's in the main compartment" He said as he tossed me his large blue duffel bag.

Damien gilded over to the door and closed it. He slid off his shirt  and crawled on my bed. He lifted me up to his lips and I melted into his body. I abruptly pushed him away, hearing my mother kibits around the house. The sound of keys, a door closing and a car driving away.

"Ok she's gone" I smiled

"Lets do this" He purred 

"Be careful this is my first time" I looked around my room nervously.

& & & & & & & & 

A knock on my door interupted my cutting session. The sudden noise from the other side of the door startled me and the blade went to far into my skin. 

"Damnit!" I hissed

"Honey?" Mother said "are you alright?" Her voice was a sweet and slow as syrup on a cold day

"Yeah mom.... I just cut myself shaving."

"Ok well be out soon we're all going out for dinner with Justin's parents. 

Justin. The boy who is soposed to make everything better, ever since Damien's death thats all my mom thinks about, me moving on finding another outlet. But what she doesn't know is that I do have a outlet. Cutting.

I wiped the bloody blade on the side of the toilet paper roll and slid it into my back pocket. I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. I just saw an empty face. Lost eyes sunk in and full of sorrow, flat mousy hair and full pouty lips. I slid my sleeves over my wrist hiding my new cuts and old scars. I stepped out of my bathroom and grabbed my bag waiting patiently on the floor for me like a dog. I grabbed it and slung it over my shoulder. I went down the stairs to the front of my house where my mom was waiting in our running car outside. I reluctantly opened the door. Steeping out of that plain white house was like a baby bird coming out of its nest for the very first time. Falling way out of its comfort zone.

Mom was dabbing her unflattering excess lipstick off of her lips as i slid into the front seat of the car.

" So how long will we be with Justin?" I asked trying to sound enthusiastic, I did better than I wanted to.

"Wow, look who's excited to see Justin! I think this is really good for you. You need to move on from that Damien. And to answer your question I don't know we'll leave when we feel its time." She said as she pulled out of the drive way.

"Why do you always say that?!" I screeched

"Say what?" Mom replied startled by my change of tone.

"You always say "that Damien" You never just say "Damien" Why?"  I sunk into the back of my seat frustrated. 

"I just don't think about it. I didn't like him and you know that. But I dealt with him. He's dead and gone so it's time to move on. It's my turn to pick your next love."