I Was Kinda Hoping You'd Stay

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"Now why are we crying?" Ciara was positive the tears weren't about her. Awsten wasn't much of a crying in public kind of guy. Under most circumstances, he would just go back to his apartment, throw a comforter over his head and cry until he ran out of tears. Ciara had noticed him at the party before his climb up the stairs and had a feeling it had to do with something at the top of them. "Who's ass am I kicking?"

"No one." Awsten sniffled, feeling more pathetic than he knew was possible. The cool air was almost making him shiver. If he hadn't been crying, he was pretty sure he would have been sniffling because of the breeze. He wanted to go home but he didn't want to be alone. It didn't help that Geoff wasn't answering his cry-out. "It's my fault. Everything is always my fault."

"Don't care who's fault it is." Ciara answered coolly, although she was almost certain it wasn't actually Awsten's fault. He had the tendency to be an asshole sometimes but it wasn't common for him to dive himself into something that made him visibly upset. She shimmied out of her black leather jacket, exposing her mesh top before slinging the dark material over Awsten's cool skin. "Who's ass am I kicking?"

"Nobody's." Awsten responded, almost automatically leaning his head onto his ex girlfriend. He was expecting her to flinch away at the contact but she stayed. If he wasn't feeling so numb, maybe his heart would have skipped a beat. "They aren't important anymore. Neither am I." The statement was a thought that stitched itself into his psyche. Every since the pair had parted ways, he had convinced himself he was no longer important to anyone. No matter how incorrect the idea was, it remained just the same.

"You're important in the same way we're all important. You're somebody's entire world and both simultaneously irrelevant to the general public." Ciara exhaled as she was hit with a small gust of wind. She was cold but was positive that Awsten needed the jacket. What she didn't know was that it was heating up more than just his once exposed arms. His heart was finally warming up to the blonde girl again. "Now who made you feel this way? They're going to pay."

"I don't want you to hurt them."

The sentence shocked Ciara almost as much as Awsten was shocked by her defensive behavior. He couldn't imagine his ex girlfriend still caring about him in the slightest. She couldn't imagine someone who wouldn't want some form of compensation for such an emotional injury. If she was in his situation, she was positive that she would have been out for blood. Perhaps, she didn't know her previous partner at all.

"I know they hurt me but I don't want you to hurt them." Awsten was used to being hurt, intentionally or otherwise, as horrible as that might sound. He didn't want another human to have to go through any of the pain he was feeling, let alone be the cause of it. He recalled the scene he had stumbled onto earlier in the night, the thought making his stomach churn. He wasn't over it and at that moment, he wasn't sure he ever would be.

"They deserve it." Ciara argued, leaving out the rest of her thought. She was positive that anyone that messed with Awsten indefinitely deserved whatever they got. He wiped his mostly dry eyes with the back of his hand. He felt pathetic but blew his nose with another napkin. Ciara was fighting back the urge to shiver. The cold hurt but not as much as whatever was hurting Awsten. It wasn't just like Ciara could leave him crying in the cold anyways. "And for what it's worth, whoever it is doesn't deserve you."

"Nobody deserves to have somebody as awful as me in their life." Awsten muttered mostly to himself, pulling his arms through the sleeves of the jacket. He wasn't originally sure if his biceps would fit into the sleek fit of the jacket but by some miracle, they did. Ciara had a tendency to buy jackets a size or two bigger than she needed given the length of her torso. She was an average height but had an almost exact torso to leg ratio. What was usually a curse had suddenly turned into a blessing.

"I'm gonna fucking punch you." Ciara grumbled, wrapped one of her cold arms around the boy beside her. The action felt organic and it made her miss the way they used to be. She wondered where Geoff was and why he wasn't comforting his boyfriend. She wasn't the best partner and wasn't in the position to be critiquing other people but it still left the thought in her mind. Maybe Geoff wasn't all that he was cracked up to be. "Where's Zelda? I didn't take him as the type to leave his boyfriend to cry at a party."

"He's hanging out with someone else tonight." Awsten left out the fact that hanging out was actually a date and that someone else was actually Satan. The mention of speaking the evening with someone brought him back to the fact that he was technically on a date with someone. Someone who had just done a line of drugs while getting head from someone that wasn't him.

"Doesn't he know that he shouldn't let you go to parties like this by yourself? Some cute little blonde sorority girl is going to pick you up and never put you down." The words she had meant as a joke caused tears to start forming in his eyes. She let out a sigh, releasing the boy and rising to her feet. The absence of her body left him feeling more alone than ever.

"Please don't leave." The words came out of Awsten's mouth in a hoarse voice. He hadn't wanted to say them but knew he would regret leaving things unsaid. They were the same words he wanted to say the last time she had left him and he hadn't gotten the chance. He didn't think he would ever get put in the situation to say them, let alone the opportunity. "Not again. I don't think I could handle it."

Ciara smiled at the comment yet it wasn't of malice. It was a rare sight since the two of them had parted ways. When they were together, it was a look that was permanently a part of her. She couldn't go anywhere without laughing at something stupid Awsten did or smile at a nice thing he got for her. She wasn't smiling at the pain in the voice of her former lover but at the prospect of starting over.

"I was sorta hoping you'd come with me. It's cold out and I wanted to leave anyways." She extended a hand to the shell of a person propped against the sand colored bricks. He took her hand instantly, unaware that by doing so, he had altered a piece of her that neither of them could see. It was a shame that Geoff wasn't there that night. If he was, he would have been able to tell Awsten that on the way to the car, her heart had turned yellow.

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