I awoke with ice resting on my two swollen eyes. I still couldn't see that well, but it was surely better than before. Then it hit me. I was back at the house.
Ryan had a mini fan blowing on me and had me placed in warm clothes again, the thin sheets wrapped tightly around my body. I felt like jumping with joy, until I suddenly faced him again. He had walked in the room, completely unprepared when he saw me awake.
He had cleared his throat awkwardly, unsure of what to say. He knew.
"How are you feeling?" He asked me hoarsely, walking over to feel my forehead, but I quickly slapped his hand away. He looked hurt when I moved further towards the middle of the bed, farther away from him. There were so many things that needed to be said, but I didn't know where to start.
"So you lied to me," I whispered to him. "You're a murderer. You kill innocent people." The words hit me hard and I could see his face turn a sickly white. Tears started to pour out of my eyes, it was unreal. The man I wanted to have a baby with and live the rest of my life with, killed innocent people. Just for the fun of it. The man I loved.
"I gave everything to you. I loved you, I can't believe I fell for your bullshit," I hissed, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. He looked me hard in the eye before speaking.
"You regret that? You regret falling for me? You regret all those times we had? The day we got married? Because I don't. I wasn't kidding when I said I loved you, it wasn't bullshit," he snapped. "If it was an act, I wouldn't have bothered to come save you. I would've let him beat you senseless, rape you until your body couldn't take it anymore, all those horrible things. I would've let him kill you, but I didn't."
I winced when he mentioned the rape.
"That doesn't change the fact that you're a murderer. That you kill people and run a gang just for your entertainment. You're sick, you need help. And yes, at this point, I do regret everything. I hate you."
I couldn't believe the last three words that came out of my mouth. He looked stunned himself.
"Everything that I started was when I was a punk kid, I did it for fun, yes. But now I do it to survive. Even if I do want to quit, I can't. I took you away so nobody could hurt you, so I could still love you without all of this. But it already happened, it's too late. We're in too deep, Maddie," he started breaking down, tears falling from his eyes. I had never seen him like this before. "I don't want this life anymore, either. I would love to be normal. But I can't stop, I can't. Because now, you're apart of this too. If I stop, you're going to die. There's so many people who hate me. I'm sorry."
I really didn't know what to say. I knew there was nothing I could do about it. Even if he did stop, that doesn't change the fact that he murdered people with his bare hands. Nothing would change that. And I knew I couldn't keep a grudge forever, but I still didn't know how to forgive him.
After the incident with Marcus, I was eager to leave the UK. I didn't want to linger around the town where I was raped and kidnapped anymore. I missed my family and home. Most of all, I missed my country.
We left about a week later and arrived a late Friday afternoon to our home. I was relieved when we walked through the door, but being a clean freak, I needed to clean the house after being gone so long. I immediately brought out the mop and I watched Ryan lazily climb up the stairs and disappear for the rest of the afternoon.
After a few hours of good, hard work, night fell and I was exhausted. I went up to our bedroom to see Ryan fast asleep on our bed, fully clothed and everything. A smirk came across my lips as I began to undress.