Chapter 3- Porcelain and a Reality Check

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I crumble up another draft. I spin around in my chair and toss it into the garbage. It misses. I sigh and go to pick it up. “Why is this so hard?” I ask to myself.

“Maybe it's because your aim sucks?” I turn around to see who said it. I see Tamara leaning up on the door frame, arms crossed. She was in black jeans and a blue tank top. My thoughts go to my hair.

“I guess so huh Porcelain.” I say. I then realize this was the first time in a while I had actually seen Tamara in a few days.

Tamara cringes at the name, “You know I hate that name.”

I walk over to her and put my arms around her waist, the first contact between the 2 of us for a while. She doesn't uncross her arms. “Sarah's listening to Fix Me.”

I sigh. Fuck. “Why do I have to be so busy? I hate not being there for her.”

“I know Josh, and it's not your fault.”

“It's this stupid bonus track!” I turn around and point to the garbage full of paper.

“The guys, Randi, and I talked about that tonight.”


“Band dinner.”

I throw my had back, “Shit. I'm sorry.”

“Yeah, well. Whatever. Sarah was thinking you guys should do one of her songs as a bonus track.” She says without real expression.

“Really?” Wow. She doesn't like anyone but me or Tamara to hear her stuff.

“Yeah. Do you want me to ask her what songs, or do you?” She asks. I open my mouth to answer but she cuts me off, “Wait no. I'll ask her since you're 'To busy' to talk to your daughter.” She turns around. I grab her arm and pull her back to facing me.

“Hey. Hey. Hey. Where did that come from?” I ask, running my hands through her hair. She avoids looking at me.

“Sorry. I'm just pissed that I haven't seen you for day while you're only 2 or 3 blocks from home. Sarah misses you. I miss you.” her eyes were watering. I pull her into a hug.

“I'm sorry.” I felt her shaking. She pulls backwards. I knew what she was trying to do. She wasn't going to let me see her cry. I pull her back and kiss her. I was always amazed by how easily our mouths fit together. I pull away, “I''m sorry. I'll try to pick up Sarah tomorrow and we'll all have a day together.” I wipe the tears from under Tamara's eyes.

“Ok.” she says weakly, she gives me a smile of the same sort. “I'll see you at home.” She turns and leaves.

I turn around and look at the room. What am I doing? I turn on my heals and walk out. Tamara was halfway down the hall before I catch up with her.

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