Destiny Spell: Hidden Leaf by @ray717

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So, this story has a lot of potential! It really does!

I like the first chapter a lot (I normally only read the first chapter, but yours was so short I read two, haha), especially the way the characters are talking to you. Kind of reminds me of the beginning of the Red Pyramid series. Anyways, like always, there are just a few things I have to point out.

You may want to consider getting an editor because there are quite a few grammatical errors. There's not a specific thing that I can really give you advice on, but most of it is just correct punctuation and proper sentence structure. I'm also going to refer you to the grammar chapter of Stuck On Your Story by @Lilohorse because it has a lot of helpful hints.

Other than grammar (which really was the majority of the issues here) the story plot seems to be going somewhere, but as a lot of your comments said, parts of this don't really make sense.

All of the characters introduced so far seem really likable, and for that I salute you, but just work on your grammar and the clearness of what you're saying, consider getting an editor, and I'm sure you'll do fine.



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