- He's dead- the doctor's were practly spit on my face. Cold, like ice. Like if he didn't have any feeling for the patiente who just died. But he didn't know Chris like I did. Didn't love him the way I did. Won't miss him the way I will.
He won't come back.
It's your fault.
As this words began to fill my mind I wanted to run. Where, it didn't matter. I wanted to run away. Away from the mess I made and couldn't get rid of. But just like I secretly wished, my legs leaded me towards the room where my now ex-boyfriend lied in peace, like if he was sleeping. But I know he wasn't, and because of that tought my heart filled with guilt, pain. And seeing no one but the people who take care of the bodies in this hospital makes me feel sick.
-Can I have a moment to say goodbye? - I asked one of the guys. He had hazel eyes, thick black eyebrowns matching his dark hair. Judging by the light expression lines between his eyebrowns and close to his mouth I'd say he's around 30 years old. He has strong, muscular arms, and he must've been a very attractive man in a young age, but he's definitely not attractive now.
- Sure, tell me when you're done.- he said and gesticulated to the other men to follow him out of the room so I could say a proper goodbye.
As soon as they left the room I started to cry. One month of pure struggle to keep living and now he's gone. And it's my fault. I shouldn't have let him drive in that storm. I shouldn't have fought with him. I was so stupid. But then once again more thoughts fill my mind, and there's nothing, absolutely nothing I can do now.
- Hey baby- the words got out of my mouth just as the tears streamed down my face. I couldn't think of anything to say. Not a single word. And what could I say anyway? "I miss you" is not enough. "I won't forget you" is not enough. "I love you" will never be able to represent all that I felt - and will feel for a long time- for him. Nothing seems right at this moment. So I just take his hand in mine and hold it tight, never wanting to let it go.
- Please forgive me, love...I love you so much..- I manage to whisper as the tears come harder and harder every minute I realize he is definitely not coming back.
I keep crying and holding him close as much as I can, but then I hear a knock on the door and I realize I have been with Chris for more time that I should, and the guy with the hazel eyes is waiting to take the body away.
I started to walk but something - maybe my heart- stopped me and I went back to Chris' dead body and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek as I took a bracelet he owned since a really young age. A little angel his father gave to him. It was personaly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And it would keep him alive in my memories. In our memories.
I left the hospital behind and went home. On my way I kept thinking about my boyfriend. Ex boyfriend. There's something I'll never be able to say, because thruth is, if Chris was still here we'd still be dating. But he's gone. I bring the bracelet close to my heart and look up to the sky. I hope you're ok Chris...
By the time I get home, I see my mother sitting in the living room. My dad is sitting right next to her, and my little sister is on his lap. They all have concerned looks on their faces, and as soon as another tear left my eye my little sister, Ashley, comes running in her tiny feet to hug me. She's only 7, but her hug makes me a little less broken. Following behind her, my mom and dad come hug me, both with tears forming in the corner of their eyes.
We stand there for a while, not saying a word. Once again, there's nothing any of us could say that would make things better. At least, not for a while. I notice on my watch the time: 10 pm. I break the hug apart and look at them, trying to give assuring look, and head towards my bedroom. All I want to do now is sleep and get into a place where I could see him again.
I change into my most comfortable pajamas and throw my jeans and navy t-shit on the floor. I get my Ipod and put Ed Sheeran on replay. As soon as I hit the bed I feel how tired I really am. I feel my eyes slowly closing as I wish I could dream with him. If only in my dreams I can see my loved one, so be it.