Slip by @AflyingMonkey

9 1 1

Okay, so I'm just going to come out and say it:

This is freaking amazing, and it's the first story I've reviewed that I've fallen in love with.

In your comment you asked to just give you whichever rating I thought you deserved, but the truth if, this doesn't need critiquing. There are, of course, a little things here or there, a few times when your fingers must have danced over the keys and missed the space bar, but otherwise, I love this. Now, I've never been one to enjoy boy x boy stories, but this wasn't really one of those. This was about a friendship and I absolutely love that.

I also really love the way you started this; if I'm not mistaken, that first paragraph is from Tristan's point of view, and I really admire the way you worded that first sentence.

Okay, so like I said, there are a few things here and there. I'll start with characters speaking.

Instead of: "Hello." He said.

It should be: "Hello," he said.

As you see above, the "he said" is a continuation of what the character has actually said, and therefore the period at the end of "Hello" turns into a comma and the "h" in "he" is lowercase. It's one entire sentence, so there is no break between.

Besides that, there wasn't that much wrong besides a few times when there wasn't a space between your words. Try using the spell check here on Wattpad and it should find these places pretty quickly- it'll underline them with the little red squiggles just like in Microsoft Word.

Anyways, brilliant job my friend! I absolutely loved this, is was so perfect. Your way of describing the two boys was really intriguing and I love that Tristan didn't speak until the end.

I'll definitely be looking out for more of your work and I'll probably be fanning both here and on my personal account! (This account is just for editing / reviewing / etc., haha.)



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