//authors note: okay it will get better I promise this is just a preview to see if I should actually continue.
So well here it is. Please no hate. Keep it friendly. //
Okay, so my names Lydia, I'm 14 years of age and nothing is making sense. I started this diary as I form of well it's to make me stop self harming. So here I go my day today. Dear diary and all that bull.
I can't do this anymore, everything is just so wrong! The only time you like me is when your drunk. That was the last time you gave me a hug and said you loved me. It's getting harder to believe you now.
Your never interested in me are you. Nothing I care about, trying to use me to get your broken life back, eh? You don't even see that it's tearing me apart.
If I told you I was depressed or a cutter I wonder what you would say, I think you would laugh and call me those horrid names. Mother I almost killed myself and one hour later when Justin (that boy you hate) had finally calmed me down you came in and told me off. Yelled at me and took my laptop off me which you then went on. (me and Justin changed all the passwords bitch)
Let's see what you have done to me today.
Okay, so I walked home and got in at4:30 yes I can get in at 4 but I like pissing around. You did the casual scream. Oh well not like you care. Anyway you wanted me to try on your old clothes so I did. I tried this dress on. Surprise, surprise you didn't say what a usual mother would say "oh you look lovely in that" nope you said "yeah its alright". You do realise you haven't called me pretty since Michaels wedding and you didn't even say that to me you said it to someone else "doesn't lyd look pretty today".
Okay so next thing. I came down at 7 for something to eat because it took me that long to actually convince myself to come down and actually eat. You do know I haven't ate in 3 days. I wonder if you knew that. What you were yelling about was living in a shithole and having to do the washing up. So I just gaveup and said I wasn't that hungry anyway and tried to escape back to my room to safety away from you and your boyfriend. But you forced me to make beans on toast. I ate them and threw them back up. Yeah didn't work out very well. You also said you didn't want me downstairs. Said it was adults time. I know that's a fucking lie. Dylan, your 4 year old son was still down there. Okay here's my last picky thing I was sticky because of cooking class and I wanted a shower. Can't have one till Dylan is in bed and not to late. I was messing on my phone and well it was late, twenty to ten on a school night. So I ran down to ask if I could you yelled at me for half hour. I'm going to bed in an hour you should be in bed reading right now yaddy yada. Baluch. Oh and the fact that you said I was a failure and I will always fail. That made me feel great.
I know why you hate me. And I know you do. I was a mistake from a one night stand and a broken condom. I destroyed your life you were only 19, and then you tried to stay with Adam my dad. He raped you and beat you. Treat you and me like shit. Sometimes I just wish you had aborted me. Would of been better.
I'm sitting on my bed crying, knife in hand trying not to cut my arm to fuck. I better go I can hear you coming I gotta hide this. Well till tomorrow.