Seventeen (17) Love Songs (An Ed Sheeran fanfic)

*Copyright, all the ideas and the characters belong to me except Ed Sheeran and his songs. This is a work of fiction.*


*2 months earlier*

"I can't do this anymore, I am sorry Ed." I said putting the amethyst ring he had given to me on his dining room table.

There I was, standing in his living room; having the talk I had feared for a long time now.

"Mariam, just think about it more, don't leave me so soon." He said desperately.

His green eyes met mine, they were filled with sadness. I could not help but feel guilty. I was the reason his precious eyes did not smile anymore. When I was just about to take my words back, I remembered all I had been through because of him. Because of Ed Sheeran, a songwriter hoping to make it to the music industry, I had been questioning myself a lot. He brought my self-esteem real high sometimes but others, he sunk me real low.

"Ed I can't do it, you don't understand. You know how many times I had to stay here alone? Because you were every single fucking night out! I didn't know if you were working, or didn't want to come home, or simply were drinking with your friends at the pub because you never gave me a simple phone call! I know you are trying to make it and I gave you the space you needed to do it but now it seems like we are not even a couple! And you had the nerve to ask me two weeks ago to marry you. How could I marry you if you are never home with me?" I exclaimed, losing it.

He just stared at me silently, thinking of how to answer me. I threw my hands in the air in frustration and sank in the couch, waiting for him to say something. Anything, that could make me stay. A fake promise, an empty apology; anything that could make me change my mind. Because I really wanted to stay, I do love him.

"Look Mariam, I can't make you stay but I just want to say something. I am almost finishing the next album. It is going to be really big and important to me and I really need your support." He said quietly while rubbing his hands.

He just cares about that stupid album. He didn't promise he would stay in home more time, he didn't even say sorry. As much as I want to stay I can't. I can't put myself in this place again. Waiting for him every night to come to home and sleeping next to an empty spot in bed. That's it, I have some self-esteem left.

Without a word, I grabbed my bag where I had previously packed my belongings and headed to the front door.

"Goodbye Ed." I said before closing the door as louder as I could.

I hadn't even exited his building when tears were already clouding my vision. My feet moved, I didn't know where they were moving but I just wanted to go away.

I finally managed to walk to the front door of my apartment. I hadn't been here in weeks, I thought. My fingers quickly scrambled through my purse until I finally found my keys and opened the door.

After I was inside, I went directly to my room and crashed on the bed. Tears kept streaming down my face as memories came back to me, of the good old times. At some point of crying I felt asleep, with my tear- stained cheeks.


"Bye Catherine." I waved to my fellow co-worker.

She smiled at me and mouthed a silent goodbye.

I picked up my bag and the papers that said "Mariam Caddigan" and exited the office.

My job was being an editor. I edited famous books from authors like Nicholas Sparks and Suzanne Collins and also undiscovered gems like Charlotte Gray, for example. (A/N Charlotte Gray was invented, don't know if she exists)

My boss had hired me just a month ago and I was doing really well. I loved my job and I was happy but I missed something. Like any other human, I needed love; the problem was that I was still not over Ed. I thought of Ed every once a while. He was my first real love and hopefully not my last.

I approached my front door and noticed something on the floor. It was a package, a big orange package. As soon as I saw orange I couldn't help but remember for a little bit, that orange was Ed's favorite color. I took the package in my hands and entered the house, my mind wondering, what was in the package.

After I changed clothes and prepared myself a cup of tea, I sat on the couch and began opening the package. My hands shredded the paper excitedly until there was no more orange paper left.

Inside there was a not and a CD case. I took the note first. It said:

Dear Mariam: Listen to this CD I have put in the package. -Ed

I stared at the note amusingly. After all this time, Ed sent me a package. My nose smelled the paper; I was desperately trying to find his smell in something. Sadly, the paper smelled like normal paper, there wasn't a hint of his favorite cologne. I turned the note and was surprised to see there was more on the back of the paper:

Listen to the songs in this order:

1. The A team

2. Grade 8

3. Gold Rush

4. Kiss me

5. Drunk

6. U.N.I.

7. Lego House

8. Autumn Leaves

9. Small Bump

10. The Parting Glass

11. The City

12. Little Bird

13. You Need Me, I Don't Need You

14. This

15. Wake Me Up

16. Sunburn

17. Give me love

I put the paper down and picked up the CD case. The front of the CD case was Ed's face in orange and in an artistic effect that made him look like someone drew him. On the back, there was a list of songs. My eyes read the song's name quickly and I realized they were the songs from the list. I opened the CD case and saw the CD. It was a common CD with the words "Plus, first demo" written on black sharpie.

My mouth formed a perfect "O". He had finished Plus and sent the first copy of his CD to me.

I stared at the now ripped open package dumbfounded. I re-read the note one, two and three times more.

Then, out of sudden, salty water started coming out of my eyes.

After all this time, I still love him.


Author Note:

So I have had this idea for a time and I thought I should upload it before someone else did.

I want to know really if I should continue it or not. So let's do something. Comment and vote and let me know what you think. xx

Mariam Caddigan is portrayed by Emmy Rossum.

Thanks for reading and leave your comments below :D

Also: I have gotten a better and more fitting song for the story. It is halcyon by Ellie Goulding. Read the lyrics, I think it fits Mariam's character and Ed's quite well :)


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