The Fear Continues On

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We have moved, again. The fear has decreased a little bit, because we put distance between us and 'him'. I now live next to my best friend, Jodi, so I guess it was a good move. The only thing is a new house means a new school. I am still the outcast with only one friend. School is hell. I am afraid to talk to anyone because I fear that is I talk people would see my secret. The fact that I was raped by my step-father Roy has changed me. Changes all of us, my mom is more emotional as am I.

I have started smoking again. I know I should quit. I am going to actually. I feel like I am finally starting to get my life back. I am joining track, because I love running. I feel like it is the best thing for me.


I walk through the door, it is Friday afternoon and I just got back from school. I hear fighting, and to think I though they quit fighting. You see my mom and her boyfriend fight a lot but it is not phisical, they just yell.

I set my bag down and pull out my Spanish homework. Telling time in Spanish is not my idea of fun. I go to pull out my Geometry home work and guess what? My book is not in my bag. Shit, my mom is going to kill me. That is JUST what I need after the shitty day I've just had. I got in trouble because I forgot my homework. I shove my planner back into my book bag and close the bag, after pulling out my head phones and Ipod. I put on the song Pitiful by Sick Puppies (A/N AYE PLAY SONG ON THE RIGHT!) and shove my earbuds in my ears. 


After the song ends, and I am calmer again, I go into the family room.

"Are you done with your homework, Desi?" My mom asks, I get scared. 

"U-Um yeah I did" I answered.

"Hey, mom? Homecoming is this month I was wondering if you and I could go out shopping for a dress" This was the first dance I am going to go to, and I am probably going to ask my best friend Jodi if she would like to go with me.

"Yeah hun. we can shop around and look for a dress tomorrow"

"Great thank you!" I go back to my room to read some of my book, and listen to more music. 

I come back out of my room to see what everyone is up to, and to go smoke a cigarette. Yeah I smoke so what? 

"Hey, we might have to cancel our plans for tomorrow. Tiffanee wants to come over and talk"

"Oh, okay" Lets just say I am very disappointed. I was really looking forward to going shopping with my mom tomorrow.

"Sorry hun."

"Its fine" In all honesty its not fine. This always happens without fail. Something always comes up that are more important. 


Okay I know that it is short but it was all I could come up with right now.

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