Yea I know,
I must sound crazy, like I'm a psychopath.
But, I don't know, I liked it when you yelled at me.
The way your neck and arm vains popped out
The way your sweet voice had changed
I guess that I liked that you finally saw me as shit
That you weren't acting anymore
That you were able to express your true feelings
But...you didn't have to be so harsh
Cause even though I knew all along it was an act, it didn't change the fact that I loved you
Well, love. Can't really use past tense in this can ya?
"You're just a bitch! Useless piece of shit! You can't do anything fucking right! All you do is ruin everything! You can't even tell me to my face that you're leaving! And you wanna know what?! I wasn't acting! I did like you! And now! I don't even know how I did. Now I see you for who you really are. You're a fucking bitch asshole who gets a kick out of pissing everyone off. Well guess what ya fucking whore! You can go suck your own dick cause this right here!"
You flicked me off, with both hands, may I add.
"Is my big, 'FUCK YOU' to you! I can't fucking WAIT! For you to leave! You can finally get out of my life and everyone elses! All you are is a fucking problem! A piece of garbage! You're only in the way of everyone! You're a no good dirty fucking whore who will never matter! You could fucking die and we'd all dance on your grave!"
You ended your, hurtful, rant and left the classroom.
Everyone around me snickered and agreed.
And I? Well I felt like even worse shit.
I know I hurt you with that letter.
If I didn't you wouldn't have gone off on me like that.
But this is what I wanted.
I wanted you to see me like everyone else. Like the piece of shit I am.
And now you do
Why do I wish you didn't?
Why do I still wish we were dating?
That we still held hands and kissed?
Why am I still loving you when I'm supposed to hate you?
I don't know.
And because of that I'm sorry.
But just know that I'll be out of your life soon enough.
But last night I decided I wasn't going to move to the U.S.
I had other plans for my going away party.