The hands of the small taicho fingered the brush as he looked at the paper in front of him. His mouth twisted as he tried to think about what he wanted to write on the piece of paper in front of him. In the waste basket was a bunch of crumpled up pieces of paper and he frowned at how hard it was for the letter he wanted to write to come to him. He finally placed the brush to the paper and began to write.
I've been trying to think about how to word my feelings regarding your disappearance. Everyone thought that you were dead, but now I find out that you're actually alive. Scratch that, you're the father of the Substitute Shinigami. I honestly feel jealous of this fact, that you went and had a kid. I honestly don't understand why my feelings hurt. As a Shinigami I should be able to brush them away.
I also got stuck taking on your duties. It's honestly a pain, having to deal with Matsumoto. I'm not comfortable leading a bunch of adults. I'm not sure how they see me. They do respect me, but it is obvious they see me as a child. It kind of feels like I'm only standing in until you get back. But you're not coming back, are you?
I guess I should also forewarn you that Matsumoto thinks that I am going to be dating your daughter. For some reason she thinks I have a crush on the one that likes to play soccer. So does your other daughter. Your son... I'm not sure where his stance is on this matter. He says some confusing things, acts in a confusing manner.
Toshiro frowned at the letter, before using his small hands to crumple up the paper and tossing it aside. He looked up at the ceiling, his hand dropping yet another piece of paper into the waste basket. He felt the corner of his mouth twist up, twitching as he thought about his feelings and emotions that he kept trying to convey. He knew that he was angry with the man and there was so much to say. He simply couldn't sort out his feelings.
Taking a deep breath he covered his eyes to try and ignore the feelings, but they simply wouldn't go away. Perhaps if he could talk to Ichigo he might be able to make sense of things, but he also had the feeling that Ichigo didn't know about his father's past. This made things both even better situation wise as well in other ways worse. He reached his hand up as if reaching for the sky, only to close his eyes in frustration
There were plenty of things that he wanted to reach for, but that he found himself unable to grasp and hold onto. The things that he thought he had finally grasped ended up being taken from his grasp and his dreams constantly crushed. Plus... what would telling the man his feelings solve? Isshin couldn't come back nor could they really interact with each other. The man was as distant from him as the moon and stars were.