Chapter 10

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-Joe's POV-

"Were you talking to someone out there?" I asked the nurse after she stepped into my room.

"Yeah. A young guy about your age has been visiting you every day since the day you were here. He's been staying from when our visiting hours start until we practically have to drag him out."

My eyes widened, "But I don't have a visitor like that, that I see."

The nurse's smiling face was replaced by a sad frown, "He said he didn't deserve to talk to you yet. And that he wasn't ready. He was convinced you hated him. Hun, I've never seen anyone like him. I've never seen anyone just sit outside a patient's room every single day, being happy with just being near him. Whatever happened between you two, please fix fix it. I know it's not my business but I can tell he cares greatly about you. And if you have any care left for him, I know it'd make him feel much better." The nurse said, staring me right in the eye.

It was Caspar. I knew without even asking. It was Caspar. Tears immediately flowed down my cheeks. He was there for me everyday and I never even thought about Him. He heard me talking to everyone. I never so much as even asked about him. I was terrible.

"Is he still there?" I asked anxiously.

"No. He left a little while ago. I was surprised today is the first day he's left early." The nurse said, before she walked out the room.

How could I have possibly forgotten about Caspar?! The one person who was here every hour he could be.

I needed to find him. And now.

I texted Zoe and said I needed to get out now. She didnt ask any questions, she came right away.

"What's wrong Joe?" She asked out of breath from running.

"It's Caspar!" I said. "I need to talk to him NOW. I need you to get me out so I can go to the apartment and talk to him NOW!"

Zoe only nodded. This is why I love her.

I could walk fine now, I had scars bruises and my black eye remained but I had pretty much recovered.

While Zoe distracted the woman at the desk I ran for the elevator. She got on just before the door closed, and we both let out sighs of relief.

We ran out to her car, and I felt a rush of adrenaline from escaping but nervousness and excitement to see Caspar.

After what seemed like hours in a silent car ride the apartment came into view. Caspar's car was no where to be seen. I opened the door and ran as fast as I could to the door. A note was taped to it.


I love you. So much. But I don't deserve to even be around you. I know you hate me, or don't even care about me, and I deserve that too. I won't waste your time with a long note. I've left so that you can continue to live in the apartment without me bothering you. I've left money to cover my share of the rent for the next few months.


For a split second I was shocked. Not at the words written but at the fact that Caspar had written me a note at all. He hardly ever wrote anything that was more than 3 words long. He always preferred taking.

He probably wanted to talk to me, but didnt feel that he even deserved it. Then slowly but surely each word sank in. I banged my fist into the door, pain shooting up my arm but I ignored it. It didn't compare in the slightest to the pain I felt inside. Zoe walked up behind me as she quickly read the note.

"Oh, Joe." She covered her mouth with one hand. Her other hand reached for my shoulder, but as soon as her hand made contact with my shoulder she withdrew. It was as if she could almost feel the immense amount of pain and sadness I felt when she touched me and it was such an overwhelming amount she couldn't continue to try to comfort me.

Not that I deserved her comforting anyway. I brought this on myself.
While Caspar was worried and cared about me I didn't even think of him.

I'm not good enough to be Caspar's friend anyway. It was hard as hell but maybe letting him go would be the right thing. He'd make friends that cared about him.

He could easily replace me with someone much better.

"Joe." Zoe said, wiping the tears from my face. I hadn't even noticed I was crying until Zoe's hand wiped the tears.

"How... How did Caspar look when we was sitting outside the room?" I asked.

"Mad at himself because he let himself take all the blame for what happened to you. Hopeful that you might remember him and say something. Happy that he got to be by you. And other emotions that I strangely couldn't tell. He usually is so easy to read, but there was so much pain. So much pain, Joe, that he was unreadable."

I was glad Zoe gave me the hard unsweetened truth.

"I need to find him." I said. Even if I didn't deserve to live with him or be his friend he needed to know I cared.

"WE need to find him." Zoe said back to me.

"I love you Zoe, but this is something I have to do on my own.

Zoe looked a little hurt, but she understood.

"Good luck, Joe." She said, a single year slipping from her eye.

--A/N sorry for not having a whole lot of romance

There's gonna be a whole lotta romance to make up for the lack of romance in the near future(:

He Loves Me... Not? || Jaspar Fanfic (Caspar lee x Joe Sugg)Read this story for FREE!