Doctors told us that there was a slight improvement in my grandfather's health that day — the first thing I did I went to church. So, I was sitting on my knees calmly praying to god. Why I came to church when God did nothing but such terrible things to me. Well, we don't cut out all our ties with our parents when they don't fulfill our Christmas gift wish. It's not because they don't want to maybe I might have asked for something which is just not possible for them to get me that time or perhaps they have something else in mind. But in both the cases I know they have my good in their hearts.
That is my relationship with God. He is like my family member. Yes, I share my soul with him, I fight with him, I demand from him, but no matter what I love him. He is part of my life. I know if he is not giving me something is only because either that something is not good for me in the long run or I have to suffer a little to fulfill my karma in this life. Yes, I might have done something bad with Enrique in my past birth that is the reason that he had to hurt me in this one, it's simple.
God let that happen because he is fair. It could have been much worse, but he protected me so that I learn my lesson, and still, I would come out to be a much stronger person, a person with character. Yes, I need to pay my debts in this birth, so my soul can be free. It is a proof in itself that I have taken birth on this earth, which is full of suffering, that I have some karma left to settle, if not I would have been in heaven like an angel enjoying all benefits. I am happy that even though I have suffered so much, God has been there silently not saying anything. I have been mad at him several times, but still like my good friend, he never shouted back at me, but silently like my father he gave me the strength to fight all my hurdles and like my God, he showed me the light through the darkness.
Sometimes I feel it's not about the lesson of love that God has given me this birth. I have been given this life because I have a purpose, a reason that God wants me to fulfill. Till the time I don't overcome my weakness which stops me from experiencing my full potential I guess he will keep throwing challenges at me till the time I understand who I really am and what I really need to do in this lifetime. Maybe it could be a divine devotion. Maybe it could be a revolution for the unprivileged people. Or it could be to understand true love... I don't know yet....
People say that love is not infatuation or attraction. Love is much more.... And maybe when I will understand and overcome this weakness, which I thought was my only wish, perhaps that day I will start living my true life fulfilling the purpose I have been born with. I know I am talented, I know God has given me resources, I know I have the power to change the world... Then the question is? Why I am not doing that....? Why am I not living my life to the fullest...? And why am I wasting my life on one emotion which is pulling me down to reach my true potential... Maybe if I don't get love maybe I will not be happy but who guarantees that when I get that love, I will be happy? Happiness is the state within us, isn't it?
So, I folded my hands in front of the almighty my teacher, my friend, my family and prayed to him to give me strength through these bad times, give my family and grandfather strength so we can calmly and patiently cross the bridge without further damaging anything. My mother told me that when there is a terrible storm outside one should be calmer from the inside than only, we will be able to cross the ocean without damaging our ship further in those hard times. If we lose our patience at that time, we could destroy our ship so much in the state of rage that one mistake and the entire ship will sink right then and there.
Coming here to church every week is something I have been doing this religiously since I was a little kid. I don't mind if there is no church when I am travelling outside, I would go to any place any religion where there is God. Temple, Mosque, Church anyplace... Because yes, God is one no matter in which form or shape. We all are tied with one thread, and that is... Humanity. So, religion for me is nothing but... The realization that there is God. Some power which holds the gravity at precisely the point, so there can be life on earth, the power which gives life to a seed of mom and dad and make it a baby, a force that shows there are no odds for God when he wants to fulfill a child's wish and miracles happen.
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