[fourteen]

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[if you know that i'm lonely - fur]

after school, i decided to stay in a nearby park for a little while to ease myself and maybe relax too, since i got too pissed about janine and felt stressed because of our schoolworks and upcoming activities in school– not that i hate education, though.

i sat on a bench and watched the children playing on the playground.

i took my phone and wore my earphones on, hearing ‘if you know that i'm lonely’ by fur.

thinking about what had happened in school, i suddenly felt blue. i felt lonely.

well, feeling lonely was my everyday mood. but this feeling's more different.

they treated me like this ever since year seven. yes, i kind of understand that most students in other schools are like this but, they're way much worse.

before being in secondary, i wasn't that quiet or shy. i was actually a talkative person.

i had a few friends in my old school; even though i knew other people hate me, i didn't really care.

but when i started studying at my current school, i felt anxious and shy. (basically, anyone in their first day.)

i used to be friends with one of my classmates. her name is sabrina.

sabrina and i were close friends, we even used to go to school together.

we'd always hang out after school and borrow her guitar. sometimes even, debate on percy jackson and harry potter.

but after that, she started hanging out with janine and the others, she stopped talking to me and started ignoring me.

i didn't know what i did wrong, and thinking about it made me regret why i decided to ignore her too.

if i only had the courage to approach her, maybe we'd be friends again.

suddenly, i noticed my mum sent a message on my phone.

mum: y/n where are you?

i started thinking mum was getting worried, so i decided to walk home alone since the sky was getting darker.

»»»

as i closed the door, my mum approached me and greeted me with a hug.

“hey, you came home a little late. did you go somewhere?” my mum asked.

“not really.. i just went to a park to calm myself, kinda.” i replied. i went to the living room and let myself fall to the couch with my bag.

“someone visited you here but you weren't here.” mum said.

“really, who?” i asked my mum. i don't get visitors usually, so i wondered who it was.

“it's your friend robin,” she answered, i felt a little surprised.

“why did he visit?” i asked and stood up to get water.

“he told me he planned to visit you because you were sick. he looked a little surprised when i told him you went to school.” my mum chuckled. i smiled imaging him looking surprised.

“i'm going to go upstairs and sleep..” i took my bag and started walking towards the stairs.

“wait, don't you want to eat dinner first?” she asked.

“i'm fine, thanks mum.” i ran upstairs and went to my bedroom.

i closed the door and didn't bother turning the lights on, i just wanted to cry without no one knowing.

suddenly, messages started popping up on my phone..

robin: hi

robin: are you feeling better?

robin: i went to your house awhile ago to visit you but your mum said you were in school.

robin: can i call?

i was about to reply robin's message until he started calling my phone, so i answered the call.

“hi,” robin answered. “are you okay?”

“uhh yeah, i'm okay.” i lied, i wasn't really okay.

“so uh, what did you do in school today?” he asked.

“nothing much, we just decorated our classroom with some christmas ornaments since.. it's christmas.” i replied. i was supposed to tell about what happened to janine and i but i decided not to.

“you didn't faint or anything, right?”

“yeah, i'm fine. nothing bad happened.” i replied. “well, i did trip on a small rock while i was walking on my way home awhile ago..”

“by the way, since i guess you're feeling okay now, are you... gonna be busy this week?” he asked slowly.

“well, not really...” i replied. “why'd you ask?”

“i was just wondering if you and i could... hang out, i guess?” he awkwardly laughed. “if it's okay though and if you're not busy.”

“i'll... think about it.” i grinned. “where are we gonna hang out, though?” i asked quietly, i didn't want my mum to know that i was talking to robin again.

“remember the coffee shop where both of us met?”

“yeah?”

there's like an arcade near that place, just three hops from there.” he explained.

“okay, i'll think about it.” i answered.

i guess i'll take that as a yes.” he joked.

“i'll tell you if i can, i promise.” i said, i stood up and sat on my bed. “i'll update you as soon as possible if i can go and i'll tell you when.”

okay.” he sounded a little disappointed.

“are you disappointed?” i asked him.

“what? no, i'm fine. trust me.” he stuttered. “hey, i have to go. i'll call you later or... tomorrow.”

“okay.” i replied.

“also, just tell me immediately if you've already made up your mind.” i suddenly heard a meow from robin's call. “fig's crying, i got to go. bye y/n.” the call ended.

×××××××××××××××××××××××××
hi im running out of ideas jshsjsssshshshjshshshshshhshshshsshsh

i'm sick (literally), stressed, and anxious bc of school. (don't worry, i'm okay though. kinda..)

i'll try making myself feel inspired again brb.

made: 12/11/18 , 9:41 pm

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