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Rule Number Thirty- Nine: Jealousy is evil and it shows the weakest part of you.

I remember when I was a little girl my favourite thing to do on a Friday night was watch RomComs.

My nanny, who was like my mother, would take me to the video store and I would pick out the newest romantic comedy. Whether it be Jennifer Lopez in the Wedding Planner or Jennifer Garner in 13 going on 30, I was immersed.

There was something so addictive about the idea of a perfect life. Girls who were corky but traditionally pretty. Successful young women with glamorous apartments. And love that was extraordinary and what people killed to have.

It couldn't be bought and as you got older you realized it didn't exist. Perfection, I mean.

I guess that's the hardest thing about ageing. You watch your life pass in front of you and what you dreamed of when you were younger wasn't just a dream with a possibility. Or a goal that was bound to happen, it was just that. A dream.

Something that was supremely wanted but never achieved.

I'd let myself down.

The snowstorm had picked up and I watched out the window as snow piled in the corner.

My therapist that I saw daily had an office close to my parents home. It was close enough that I could drive and then come back home afterwards.

I'd taken a leave off work and wasn't sure when I would go back. Because now I felt more depressed than ever. I still continued to gain weight and worked hard on being a better person. But having Tom not here killed me.

"Ana I'm sorry but I can't see you today. Switching firms has caused me a lot of work, I'll see you soon?" Tom broke me out of staring out the window. His voice now only heard through the phone.

He was stressed and every time that I called I could hear it in his voice. Tom was stressed about work and stressed about me too.

"When you're married you have to actually see the person, you know?"

Tom nervously laughed on the other end.

"We decided to take a break, a break includes not constantly seeing each other. Listen I got to go, someone just came into my office" he brushed me off and before I could say something else he hung up.

I stayed on the phone until the tone rung in my ear. And even then I wanted to call him back to speak to him. My insecurities were wild and if I didn't have him, I didn't have anyone.

The tears didn't begin to fall until I was halfway home in my car and it hit me like a wall. I was overflowing with emotions and I was unsure of my future.

Sure I had made mistakes that affected our relationship, I wasn't stupid. But clearly, I had done something really bad to make him want nothing to do with me.

I felt lost, what was the point of anything? I had so desperately run away from being alone and in the end, it didn't matter.

I brought down my visor to look at myself in the mirror clearing away the tears that gathered on my cheeks. Going into my parent's house upset would be a world of hurt. After my accident, they would never look at me the same.

Every emotional moment from this point on would be the precursor to something bigger.

My hands brought my coat closer to my body as I made my way into the house. It was one of many houses my parents owned. The fact made me thankful that they wouldn't be home until tomorrow morning.

Without much of a thought, I raced up to my room to settle under the covers. It didn't seem worth taking my makeup off or changing my clothes.

Instead, I curled under the covers of my bed still shedding tears. The blankets hiked over my head to shut the world out.

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