Jealous

Chapter Thirty-Three

33.

My non-date high had disappeared and I had come down to the realization that it wasn't going to happen anytime soon. The day after, it had been awkward. That makes it sound like I had, had sex with him. I mean, it's just too weird. All the natural ease we normally had, disappeared.

At one point, I awkwardly smiled at him in the hall, and tripped, biting my own tongue. I had to go to the bathroom because I was bleeding so much. I don't know what happened to him, but I had a feeling that he was going to be mocking me later. I just felt out of sync with him. It was weird because the night before I had felt closer to him than ever before. I swear, I did not have sex with him. Now, it was like we were walking on eggshells around each other. Not sure how to act exactly. I don't exactly help by going and getting all nervous, and fidgety when he was around.

School droned on, and I impatiently waited for the end of the day. The holiday break was approaching and teachers were throwing in last minute activities and essays. Everything I had previously procrastinated on was coming back to bite me. Right now, I was focused on two things. One, there was a rumor that Tyler and I were together. Two, I initially told Riley that I wouldn't need a ride but my mum had texted me later. So now I needed a ride and if I was seen with Tyler or Em people would continue to assume that something was going on. I could feel the looks I was getting. The thing peoples whispered behind my back. She is so desperate. What a slut. What did she expect? Couldn't have one guy so she got back with the other?

I don't know what to do. I almost don't want to go through with the whole plan to bring him down. At the same time, I wanted him to burn. The actual anger isn't there but the determination is so focused I can't keep myself from stopping. I'm like a runaway train and there is no way to stop. It's even harder because Harris has become increasingly sweet, and guilt is starting to fill me. It's like kicking a puppy. But the puppy murdered someone. But the puppy literally has the cutest pity face ever. See, I'm no longer attracted to Harris, but I for some strange reason still care about him. I have a new type, and it's so obvious it's painful.

Earlier that day, during the morning, Em cornered me and mocked me. I swear to god, I'm gonna stab her for coming with the stupidest ship name ever.

"Meloler! That's your ship name." She said, I swear she said it just to get an argument out of me.

"What the hell. Molar? Like a tooth or some weird shit like that. Couldn't it have been something like Myler, or Telody?"

"No, that's stupid."

"Stupider than Molar?"

"Meloler, and a hell of a lot." She snickered, and avoided me as I tried to slap her. She waved goodbye and blew me a kiss as she got as far away as she could.

Now, after I had finished my last classes I had an anxious feeling. I don't why, but I was worried. There is a pit it my stomach, and it seemed to be getting bigger.

I opened my locker, pulling out my backpack and grabbing my lunch bag. I was about to turn around, but I felt arms wrap around me. I was pulled against someone, and I tried to not get super tense.

"Hey babe."

"Hi Harris. Whats up..?"

"Are you busy later tonight? Well, yes you are. Because we're going out on a date."

"Oh- uhm, okay. Sure, whatever." Okay, this is not good. I don't know how to act, he shouldn't be this cuddly. I turned around once he unwound his arms from me. I looked up, and he placed a small kiss on my nose. I flush, and he gives me a lazy smile. I try to return it, but I think it comes out more like a grimace. I grab my water and stress drink.

"I just feel like we haven't been acting like a couple. Ya know? We haven't been on any dates, or been together outside of school. And then all those nasty rumors going around. I know you wouldn't be with him, after what you've experienced. I trust you and everything. I'm just, not feeling the love." Harris admits.

I choke on my stress water. I cough, choking on my water. The burning feeling, it felt like my throat is on fire. I gasp, trying to get a breath. Harris gently pats my back and I can finally breathe.

"I mean, uh, not l-love. Attention, or uh, I don't know." He looks embarrassed, his face is turning bright red. My mouth involuntarily pulls up into a smile. It is the first time in a long time he made me smile, and it was strange. I didn't want to be okay with him, after everything he has done. But I hate holding grudges. But at the same time, he deserves a grudge being held against him. I close my eyes, and take a deep breather. He smells like I remember, it's weird. Like after shave. It's not very natural, and it makes my nose run and the back of my throat itch. But it brings back a lot of happy memories, and they're overwhelming. My eyes prick with tears, and I try to keep them back. It would be weird, to just start crying. I hate hormones.

I turn, and he wraps his arm around me. It weighs me down slightly. Why is he so touchy, Tyler is so much better. Well, it's more awkward. I refuse to be part of some weird ass love triangle. No, no way. I am gonna break up with him, I need to stop thinking about the good memories. Nothing ever stays the same, and he has already changed. He can't get better. He moves on too quickly, and I will never be enough for him. He's just blind, I'm not the problem here. But looking at him, I just did not know how to break it down. I hate all the bad things about him, but he keeps showing all the good.

"Come on, lets go. They're playing a great movie today. It starts in twenty minutes, let's get going." And I can't really say no. So we walk, and he holds the doors open for me, and is all gentlemanly. And I feel like I'm boiling in an acid pit of guilt. I try not to think about it, but I move on.

His car isn't half as cool as Riley. His parents aren't rich, so they gave him their old Subaru. It is beat up, and the seat has holes in it. I wonder how many dates he took Erica on, in this car. A small feeling of bitterness filled me. I tired to not let it sour my expression. I took a deep breath, and calmed myself down. I buckled in, and Harris hopped in. He began to drive, he turned on the music, and I flinched as some wired rap started playing.

"YOU WANNA CHANGE THE MUSIC?" Harris yelled.

"NAH, IT'S FINE."

The drive to the movie theater was short. We walked into the cool building, and went to pay. I didn't offer to pay. Harris wasn't like Tyler, I respect Tyler enough to offer to pay. Harris can do whatever he wants. He bought some popcorn, and I got some chocolate mints. We walked into the movie, and sat in the back. Harris rested his arm on the back of my chair, and he twirled my hair with his fingers. It sent a shiver down my spine, and I felt the urge to slap his hand away. We sat, in silence for a while. Waiting for the movie to start, and the commercials to pass took what felt like an eternity. I began to play, and I snacked on my chocolate. The movie over all was pretty interesting. I tried to focus on it, and not Harris.

It passed too quickly, and I still don't know how to act around him. Harris tried to make small talk, as we walked to the car, and drove to my home. He opened the door to my car, and walked me to my doorway.

"Bye, thanks for the movie."

"No problem. See you soon. You'll be at my winter party, right?"

"Wouldn't miss it."

He smiles, warmly at me. I stand on my tip toes and give him a small kiss. He turns to walk away, and I open my door. For once, I have absolutely no idea how I feel. 

A/N ~Roughly edited~

Hey, so sorry about not posting for a while. I plan on finishing another chapter as soon as possible.

Thanks for being patient with me.

~Skye