I Wish [Ace x Reader]

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All I have to say is that I cried while writing this and that I regret nothing.

(Photo: https://i.pinimg.com/564x/e4/e9/80/e4e9809ef435cfc2f618f9208cf39d56.jpg)

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After Whitebeard and Ace's deaths and the destruction of the Moby Dick, many of you went on separate ways.

You stayed for as long as you could, you did, trying your hardest to get over the feeling of loss and the confusion that numbed your senses, but the sight of your crew mates, that once brought joy to your heart, by then was just a constant reminder of those who weren't there.


The last person you talked to before leaving was Marco, the blond torn between not wanting you to go and actually understanding why you did it.


"I wish there was something I could say to make you stay," he had commented as he leaned against the door frame of your bedroom, arms crossed over his chest and eyes following your figure as you moved from side to side to collect your few belongings.


"Me too," you had murmured as you pulled at the laces of your bag to close it.


Glancing back at him, you were met by eyes that reflected the same pain and sorrow that lived in yours. The corners of your mouth quirked up as you offered Marco your best smile, completely turning and stepping in his direction with open arms.

He walked right into your hug, limbs tightening around you and pulling you closer.

You gripped the back of his shirt and buried your face in his chest, squeezing your eyes shut to hold back the tears that menaced to fall.



~»~



A year after their deaths, you sat down in front of their graves.

New flowers and objects decorated the tombs, clear indicators that you hadn't been the first one to come to pay tribute to them.


You smiled sadly, gaze moving upwards to read the names carved in the stones and fingers playing with the strands of green grass next to your feet.


You spoke to them as if they were still there, telling them about your new life and remembering old stories that brought joy to your heart.

Whitebeard had been the only father you had known and, as much as it saddened you that he was gone, you were also happy that he had found a place to rest and that his strong soul was finally free from the limitations of his tired body.

As for Ace...


You averted your gaze, eyebrows furrowing as a lump formed in your throat.


"I wish I had never met you," you muttered, fingers closing to form fists and nails digging on the skin of your palms.


"I wish you had never talked to me." You tensed your jaw, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth repeatedly to shake away the sensation that was taking over your body.


Leaning forward, you freed your hands and brought them up, fingertips brushing your forehead seeking your hairline and palms covering your clouded orbs as they shut.


"I wish I didn't know how your hands feel."


The mere mention of his digits brought back all the memories; how Ace would purposely run into you in the halls just to touch you; how he would hug you from behind after he'd come home from a mission, your back flushed against his chest and him burying his head in the crook of your neck... or how he would lie beside you, fingertips brushing their way down your arm and sending shivers up your spine.

You sobbed against your hands, tears cascading down your palms and staining your jeans.


"I wish you had never kissed me."


Your sobs filled the air, the birds falling silent alarmed by your cries and, you wanted to believe, to honor the fallen.

You tried to stop crying, you really did, but it had been a long time since you had allowed yourself to let go and actually process your bottled up feelings, and so, once started, it took you a considerable amount of time to calm your mind and racing heart.



~»~



You shook your head, using the back of your hands to dry your eyes, and straightened up, letting your arms fall to your sides and staring at the name that had escaped your lips in hushed moans many times and that now got stuck in your throat.

There were many things you wished to say still, and you wanted to let it all out just so you could truly move on.


"I wish you hadn't told me that you loved me."


You bit your quivering bottom lip, more tears threatening to roll down your cheeks as the words and his voice played in your head like a broken record.


Would it have changed anything? – You wondered to yourself.


Would you have suffered less had he not confessed his feelings? Could you have moved on hadn't you known that they were reciprocal?


You honestly doubted anything would have been different; it would still hurt, and you wouldn't have all the memories that you had... of the good and the bad times.

But those memories were double-edged swords, and you finally let out a recurrent thought you had had almost since the first night when you had lain on an empty bed.


"I wish the image of your dead body tormented my mind so I would feel a pain I could get over instead of these happy memories that make me realize just how much I miss you."


It was merely a whisper, words that you didn't want anybody else to hear just so they wouldn't judge you.

You knew you were fortunate for remembering his smile, his voice, his foolishness... everything that had warmed your chest at the mere sight, but, at the same time, you couldn't stand the ache that they brought with them.

You had been able to distance yourself from the image of him leaning on top of his brother, chest hole and eyes closed, because it didn't benefit you at all, but the good memories... Those you didn't want to forget, and so you would never get rid of the emptiness that flooded your body, the feeling of being left alone in the world.


You closed your eyes as new tears cascaded down your cheeks.


"I wish you had listened."


You hunched over, digits grasping strands of grass as the drops wetted the ground beneath them.


"You idiot... I wish... I wish you were here."

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