He slams me against the wall. Gasping at the contact, I throw my head to the side. His fingers trace over my sides, up to my shoulders as he presses himself against me.
His hands travel back down and slip under the fabric of my shirt.
I wanted to speak. I wanted to scream and shout. But I was silenced. For what? For something he could win and I could only lose.
For something that would scar me forever, something he could be proud of.
He breathes into my ear as his hands reach up higher and higher.
My eyes open as I stare at the wall in front of me. My body weak, my mind tired, my face stained with tears. For what? Nothing.
I stand up, weakly, my legs tremble with every step I take. How can you be like this?
When did he stop caring? I have no idea. When did he start forcing? I have no idea.
I slip a shirt over my body, covering my exposed skin. Then, I drag myself out of the room. My eyes follow him as he walks through the hallway, "I'm going off now." His voice deep and low, not leaving a single trace of a smile behind.
He turns around towards me as he puts on his jacket over his suit. My mouth automatically falls open as words drip down my lips, "your tie isn't tied well. Let me fix it."
My hands reach up to his tie and I pull it loose. I slowly wrap it around his throat, gently, and tie it like it is supposed to be tied. "There, that's better," I smile gently at him as my eyes meet his. he only nods and turns his back towards me and walks out of the house. Before he closes the door and leaves me in the darkness, he speaks once more, "I won't be home tonight."
The door closes, the light shut out from me as I stare at the wooden wall in front of me. "I know," I whisper to myself, "of course you wouldn't be here. Since, I'm just a waste of time anyways."
But, then why am I still here?
Why do I want to be with him?
What are my reasons to keep up this cold treatment while I deserve so much more?
I don't know.
Maybe because there is just nothing for me anyways.
This house instantly turns silent and cold once he leaves.
But, that isn't even that much different from what it is for if he's around. It's still as cold and silent. But, at least when he's here I know that I'm not alone.
However, I also know that I'll always be lonely. I quickly return to the kitchen and put everything away, wiping off the table.
Then, I take my shoes and slip on my jacket, leaving the house to work.
I look at the empty hallway, smiling sadly by myself, "I'll be back," I simply say to the emptiness. Knowing that no one would reply, I close the door and turn around, leaving to work as well.
Song worth to listen to even if it's a French song:
"Si j'étais un homme" by Chilla
Translation of the chorus:
If I were a man and we'd switch roles. I'd lift up your shirt, would you be able to keep control.
If I were a man and we'd switch skins. I'd call you a whore and see if you'd turn your back to me.