Venom was about to pour out of my mouth and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
So you are probably saying "Yes there is Cathy, it's a choice to be kind you cold-hearted butch,"
Yes, yes, I've heard that before but remember. I am a bitch. Never forget it.
Now, where were we? Oh yes, Jeremy would either take it or walk away. What he did next would define the type of man that he wanted to be. I was curious, I'll admit. A part of me knew what I wanted to see and the other part of me was afraid of what I would see.
"Listen," I said making sure I sounded exasperated. "I thought we had an understanding."
"We did, but that doesn't mean that you can't invite me to spend time with you and your friends every once in a while. It doesn't mean that we can't behave like a real couple," he spoke in a matter of fact tone.
"Why would I want you to hang out with me and my friends?" I spat.
He stood there stunned. His eyes widened in surprise and for a moment it looked as though I had left him speechless. "What are you saying exactly?" he asked.
"I am saying that I prefer to call you when I want to have sex and leave it at that."
"So I'm just a lay to you?" he asked, his temper flaring. His arms waved through the air as though he was finding himself slowly spiraling out of control.
"No, not just a lay, a great lay. You are the best lay I've ever had." I said, my attempts to soothe him failing as the look in his eyes screamed hurt and pain. I hadn't even started trying to hurt him yet. I sighed.
"Look," I said slowly. "I like you but I don't like you. Do you understand?"
"You like me but you don't like me? What the fuck are you talking about? What are you saying? I thought you wanted to be with me? I thought you said you could see us doing this for the next few years. What happened to all of that?"
I tried hard to avoid the urge to roll my eyes. He was trying my patience and I felt myself starting to get ugly.
"I am more than happy to keep fucking you Jeremy but don't think for one second that means that I want to spend time with you outside of the bedroom. You bore me. Your activities bore me, your stories bore me, your personality bores me. Why. Do you think...I would want to invite you to spend time with MY friends? We have a good thing, Jeremy. I come to you when I want a good fucking and you fuck me. It is very simple. We can keep carrying on the way we have been or not. Your choice" I had said what I had to say.
It was now up to him to decide what he wanted to do. I was confident that he was going to accept my terms. Who would turn down the ability to keep having sex with someone string and commitment-free? All I asked of him was to make himself available to me when I wanted sex. It wasn't a big ask, was it? He could keep sleeping around, surely I wasn't the only person he was screwing. Men don't feel, they only take.
He scoffed. "If that's the way you feel we should end this right now."
I was dumbfounded. I honestly had thought he would choose to continue the relationship.
"Is that what you want?" I asked him. I needed to be sure that I was understanding him correctly. There was no way he would reject my offer. I was giving him everything.
"If you don't want to spend time with me outside of the bedroom what future is there for us? If you can't stand the idea of introducing me to your friends why am I investing all of this time in you? If you don't even like me as a person, why would I want to remain in a relationship with you? You either want to be with me completely or we part ways right here and right now. What's it going to be?" He laid down the gauntlet.
I admit, I didn't know what to do. I like Jeremy. I felt like we were good together. He made me feel alive and his touch was heavenly. Why was he doing this? I couldn't wrap my head around what was happening.
I had to decide the fate of our future. He would put this on me. He would make this my choice but I never wanted it to be my choice. It had always my choice. I was always breaking hearts and the sad thing was I had never asked for those hearts to begin with.
I never asked him to have feelings for me. I had done nothing to earn them so why had he freely given them? Had he developed feelings for me? If so, maybe I should put him out of his misery. It was better this way. I was broken and Jeremy was just someone to pass the time.
It is true what they say, girls chase the bad boys and boys chase the mean girls. If I had been a sweet girl, he would have bedded me for a few nights and left me heartbroken.
His reputation had been 'The Heartbreaker.' I thought I would be safe with someone like him. Someone who used girls for what they could offer and moved onto the next. I never imagined that we would be standing here, having this conversation. Yet, here we were. I was forced to make the call and I didn't want to do it. For some reason, I didn't want it to be me.
"I would prefer to continue as we had agreed," I said softly. "But if that isn't what you want, I don't think I can offer you more than that. That isn't what I am looking for. If you are willing to remain the way we have been to date, knowing what you know, I think we can be great together. So, what do you say? Stay with me like we are or walk away. Your choice. But remember. Once you choose you cannot change your mind. Think carefully. You will need to live with this decision. I NEVER go backwards." I had said it and I meant it. I always mean what I say.
He looked at me. Thoughts racing through his mind his hands running through his hair as he stood there playing an internal dialog in his mind. He was struggling with his decision. I could read it on his face. He finally spoke with a resolution in his voice I hadn't expected.
"I want more."
"I can't give you more," I said.
"Than I can't be with you," he replied.
"Is that your final answer?" I asked.
"It is. Unless you change your mind."
"So it's settled. We are ending it," he said, his voice somber.
"So it would seem. It is a shame. I did enjoy our time together. Remember, you cannot change your mind. I don't give second chances." I reminded him.
"I won't need it. If you change your mind, you know where to find me. I want to be with you but I need more. When you are ready to give me what I need I'll be here," and with those words and he turned and walked away from me into the sunset.
It was beautiful watching him walk away. A part of me was sad. A part of me felt relief.
A part of me felt a little hollow inside.
Would I ever fall in love? Would I ever be able to see someone as more than just an object to be used?
The answer seemed like a resounding No, but then there was Charlie.
Author's Note: Jeremy didn't have a long part to play in this story but I thought I would add it to give a better picture of the emotional state of our MC. I hope you like that ending. Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this chapter please vote it up.
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