The perfect moment had arrived...or so I thought. I called him and he didn't answer. Later, I found him at the library with some classmates of his.
The discovery had been unintentional. I was looking for a book to read to pass the time when I saw him sitting at a table with a group of classmates. They were doing a group study that he was leading. It annoyed me that he hadn't answered my call so walked over to him and I told him so.
"What the hell?" I said.
He was indifferent to my concern. "I'm studying, that's a little more important than taking your call," He said flatly.
It was true. Studying was more important, I know that, but I saw an opportunity here. I told him that if he couldn't communicate with me this wasn't going to work.
He said, "Alright," and just like that, we were over. I turned around and walked away. Going back home and reading cleared my mind and I felt free.
The next day I told my friends what had happened and let me tell you I was not prepared for how that turned out.
"You did what?" Sally said.
"I cannot believe you dumped him for that. What about the group?" Rebecca chimed.
"Barry is going to be so pissed because now Jerry doesn't have anyone. He's going to be alone. You understand that right Cathy?" Mimmie asked.
I understood it better than they realized. I had left myself in the same position.
"Couldn't we just let someone else into the group?" I asked. They looked at me, the others weren't here yet and I knew that once the entire group was in the same room the tension would only increase. I had damaged the group dynamic.
"Fix this," Rebecca said.
"Yup...you gotta fix this girly," Mimmie responded.
"Oh mama, I know this is hard. Swallow your pride and tell him that you are sorry. Write a letter or something, just make this right. We need this group. OK, sweety?" Sally said to me, her eyes full of promise.
She was trying to tell me that it was going to be alright. I just needed to fix this. With the resolution, I decided I needed to fix this or try hard enough that the blame wouldn't fall on me. I wrote that letter. It was a four-page letter telling him how wrong I was and how much I loved him.
It was strange to write these things but I wondered if he would even believe the words. I had to try for the sake of the group. The Clique was unforgiving and it was hard to become one of us. With that knowledge, I knew that the boyfriend and I would be alone for a very long time. I didn't want that for either of us.
I delivered the letter and he rejected it. I was frustrated but surprisingly proud of him. He must have received similar pressure to make this work for the sake of the group yet he would rather be alone.
His pride was more important than his pleasure. My respect for him grew. He and I were both without lovers. This went on for a couple of weeks.
I thought I would die. It was awful. I had needs damn it. He wasn't able to take on a new partner and neither was I but he refused to lower his pride. Sexy.
After the second week, I realized that I needed to find someone for him so that the dynamic could return.
The tension building in the group was palpable. Our growing unhappiness could be felt by all. Thankfully, he became interested in a bartender that worked at the bar we frequented. This was my opportunity.
Everyone in the group liked her, but me. All I needed to do was get her to notice him, let them date, and that would free me to find someone for myself. It was the perfect plan.
YOU ARE READING
When You Realize You've Become a Mean Girl...and What Comes Next (In Editing)Non-Fiction
It isn't every day that you find yourself waking up and realizing "Hey, I'm a mean girl." I could make sure people like you didn't make their way into our circle and I was very good at it. You wanted to sit with us? No thank you. You wanted to talk...