Time flies when you're having fun. A year later, I'm 20 turning 21 in less than a month. The reality that I still live at home with my parents is not lost on me.
Here I was, sitting in a cafe with my sorta-boyfriend. His mocha colored skin glimmered under the cool lighting of this new age cafe. His dark brown eyes held a secret that I was afraid I knew the answer to.
I didn't want to hear what he had to say. I wished I had turned down his offer to meet tonight. He ran his hand through his hair, his half smile tugging at the corners of his lips. His words rang in my ear.
"Let's move in together."
Was he crazy? Why would I move in with someone who was a known cheater? I was his side-piece for goodness sake. Sure he disputed that fact but I am not stupid. I let him think I believed him because I wasn't trying to steal him away. I just wanted what he had to offer. Now he offered me more than I bargained for. No thank you. I'll pass.
There was no way I could allow myself to be his main squeeze. I smiled at him, hiding my terror.
"Can I think about it?" I said as smoothly as I could muster.
"Sure" he responded, his smile wide and full of promise. "You can let me know tomorrow."
Stunned I just plastered that fake smile. Keep him happy. Make him smile.
"Of course!" I said, knowing full well that I would not be calling him in the morning.
I wanted to be nice. I wanted to be kind. Smile, laugh, run your hands over his. Let him feel in control. He wants to use you but he doesn't realize who he's dealing with.
I'm a mean girl and mean girl's get their way. Sorry, Mike. There won't be a happily ever after here. He wrote on a piece of paper the words
"I love you" and slid it over to me.
I imagine he thought that was endearing. That I would swoon over his declaration. He clearly didn't know me that well.
"Well..." he asked.
I stared at him trying to determine what he wanted me to say.
"Well, what?" I asked.
"How do you feel about me?"
He got me. This shit turd threw me for a loop. I was thrown and I hate to admit that. He threw me off my game with that question.
The balls on this one. "I feel the same way." was all I could reply. I cringed inside at that declaration.
My mind drifted to the last time we had sex. It was in a dingy hour hotel. He pressed his hands on the sides of my arms as leaned in to kiss me. Menthol. He was a smoker and his cigarette scent wafted into my nostrils.
His hand slid down my arms and rested on my hips.
"Have you ever given head before?" He asked me coyly.
"You know I haven't." I replied softly. I didn't like where this was going.
"You should try it," his eyes glinted with satisfaction at his smoothness.
"I told you before I'm saving that for my future husband. You already took my virginity what more do you want?"
"I want all of you," He said as he leaned in and kissed my neck.
My emotions conflicted. I wanted to want him. I wanted to feel about him the way I did with Tom but I didn't.
"I don't think so,"
"Before you say no, ask yourself this, do you think your future husband would be happy with you if you had no experience?"
Fuck. Fucking fuck fuck.
"I don't know," he won this round. I'm going to end up sucking his dick. Fuck!!!!
"He wouldn't. You need practice. I'm here, you're here. Let's practice baby...ok?" He's searching my eyes. Waiting for something.
"Ok" I replied as I began to unbuckle his jeans. He quickly helped me and there standing at attention was his massive appendage.
"You want me to take all of that?"
He laughed from deep in his belly.
"You already do take it, now just take it in your mouth baby," his smile was the most endearing thing about him. That and his massive dick.
He laid down on the bed and I crawled up onto it. Placing my hands on his shaft I pressed my lips to his cock and kissed it.
"That's nice but use your tongue,"
With his direction I licked his tip. He hissed.
"Yes, baby that's good now put it in your mouth and suck like a lollipop.
"Ok," I said and I put him into my mouth and began to suck. He groaned his pleasure and to my surprise I found myself becoming aroused.
Mike breaks me from my thoughts.
"Ok, you'll let me know tomorrow right?"
"Of course!" I smiled. 'Make him believe me.' I thought.
We continued our light conversation all the while my thoughts drifted to how I was going to get out of this unpleasant situation without being cruel.
I wanted to keep having sex with him so I needed to be careful. He was a pretty decent lay and let's face it, that's hard to come by. He may have wanted a place to stay and thought I was his ticket to freedom but I had other plans. Only one person can be used in a relationship and it wasn't going to be me. Sorry, Mikey...we won't be moving in together. Did you try asking your girlfriend?
The next morning, I told my father I was ready to join the service.
"I want to serve my country," I told him.
Trust me, I believed what I said. I just felt more motivated after the evening before to proceed as previously planned.
"It's about time," he replied and by the afternoon we were sitting in the recruiter's office making plans.
Within 2 weeks I would be gone. Mike called me a few days later to ask me to meet with him. Poor Mike. It would seem that he preferred his bad news in person. No problem. I can live with that.
When we met, he asked me when I wanted to move in with him. I hid the smirk that threatened to form across my lips. He asked me "when" as though it were a foregone conclusion. I imagine he assumed I was smitten but he didn't know me that well. I had only been searching for his comfort.
Those dark chocolate eyes of his twinkled with anticipation.
"Oh Mike, I forgot to tell you I'm leaving in 2 weeks" his eyes went wide.
"What?! What do you mean?" he asked with trepidation.
He must have known. He must have sensed my resolve.
"I'm joining the Navy." I kept it short. There was no need to drag this out.
He was drinking his coffee when I said it and he nearly choked on his drink.
"What?!" he said between coughs.
I hid my smirk. "I'm joining the Navy"
"Since when?" The shock in his voice was evident.
"A few days ago," I said.
He sat there stunned into silence. I was surprised at how long it took him to respond. He was always so confident. He was always in control but at this moment his confidence wavered. At this moment, he was undone.
He had plans I am sure and those plans had involved me agreeing to move in with him. I knew he had other girls and he knew I had a good paying job. He wasn't working. They had fired him from the airline and I wasn't surprised. When he started dating me he forgot himself. He started spending too much time above ground by me instead of in the baggage department where he belonged.
I wasn't surprised when they let him go but I was sad. I liked seeing his face. He was always happy. Yet, here was our reality. I was his safety net, and as appealing as that sounded it wasn't going to be my life, not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
YOU ARE READING
When You Realize You've Become a Mean Girl...and What Comes Next (In Editing)Non-Fiction
It isn't every day that you find yourself waking up and realizing "Hey, I'm a mean girl." I could make sure people like you didn't make their way into our circle and I was very good at it. You wanted to sit with us? No thank you. You wanted to talk...