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Just pretend the song is hers

Mary's POV

I haven't talked to nobody for the past 24 hours . I don't want nobody by my side today. I just want to say good bye and pay my respects . I've went numb . I've ignored all phone calls except the ones that informed me about the funeral. I just want to be over with this . I want to come back to the house and curl into a ball . I don't feel like eating.

I wrote a song for him . It took me the whole night . I'm living off of 3 hours today . I put all my emotion into this song I gave it that 90's vibe . It's not a sad song but a song that shows nothing but love and appreciation to him . I didn't want this song to show sadness. I wanted to bring the people and I up a little.

It's a slow jam I guess . I'm trying to put a smile on my face . I don't want anybody walking with me when I walk down the aisle to see his lifeless body laying in the casket. I just don't want to talk to anyone. I feel like being by myself, but being alone feels horrible.

As I walk down the aisle all I see is black and red roses not one white rose in sight except for mine . I look around seeing the people mourn his death . The closer I get the more my body shakes in anxiousness.

I stand right in front of him . His lifeless body makes my body shiver in fear and gloom . Seeing his body not react is new to me . Seeing him not laugh is new to me . Seeing him not smile or talk is new to me . Seeing him not with me is new to me . I carefully open his hands and put the white rose in between them . I felt like mourning loudly , but I couldn't I promised him that I wouldn't break down in front of his casket. But I can't hold the tears back . My strength is slowly turning into weakness. I'm slowly letting my cries get louder . The emotions I tried to hide are being uncovered in front of everyone. I need to let my soul cry . I need to ease my hurt .

The room was silent except for my cries . I fell to my knees . I failed him . I promised him I wouldn't cry . I FUCKING PROMISED HIM !

I used his sunglasses to cover my swollen eyes . I get up off the floor and walk over to take a seat . The people watched the videos and pictures of August with his family and friends mixed in with some of ours . My eye welled up with tears as I saw videos of me and him pop up .

I watched his casket get lowered into the ground. My body felt like it disassembled. My knees got weak . I sang as they lowered him . I tried to lift up the mood even if I was crumbling into pieces inside. Some of the people cracked a soft smile .

I now lie alone on my bed where he used to lay with me . Chris and Trey tried to talk to me but I ignored them . I didn't want to speak to anyone . Not even to Royalty. I felt dead .

The pain I've been feeling is unexplainable. It has cut me so deep I can't control what I feel . I've become sensitive to his voice. Anytime I play his songs I fall into this deep darkness.

What's making this worse is that I know Ethan did it . The man I once loved took the man I love so dearly . He took him so quick I couldn't react fast enough. He did this out of jealousy and hatred that cane from me not loving him the way I love August . He's a horror story all on its own . Every thing that he does frightens me . There's nothing more scary than that man . He is the cruelest human I've ever encountered. He took so much from me that all my respect was lost towards him . His childish ways just pushed what he wanted farther away from his grasp . I will never fall for that man again. The way he played me was sickening. The way he violated me when I asked for just a little bit of privacy. Only his brother was sane . After his ex wife destroyed him he destroyed me by taking the only thing I loved off of this horrible planet we call Earth . The only moments in life I was ever happy was with August and back in the hood where everyone was family. As dangerous as it was everyone looked out for each other. Nothing beats home . The way the cars were all fixed up , the delicious food we had . And the energy you felt when everyone got along. Music brought us together no matter what situation we were in . It brought joy to our hearts . After I left there I went through hell and back to find my happiness again. It felt like a few seconds. I'm devastated. My sanity is gone . My trust is very little . Everything hurts . I'm so sensitive it's irritating. I get so frustrated because all of my happiness got ruined in seconds by the one and only Ethan Grant Dolan .

Even just thinking of that man leaves a bitter taste in my mouth .

Weeks later

I don't really go out unless needed . I have been distant towards everybody. Losing August made me lose myself. Chris tries to come into my room but I don't let him . I pop at least 2 xans a week just to ease my hurt just a little.

Right now I'm feeling drowsy. They're finally setting in . I'm slowly falling asleep . Into a deep sleep , a deep comfortable sleep .

I woke up laying in his arms dripping in tears what I was real life turned out to be a bad dream . My future husband is holding me in his arms as I listen to his heart beat .

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