Chp 4

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Jais Pov

I head up to my room and stare at the ceiling. What was I thinking. Self harm is not the answer. I finally decide to make a youtube video.

Hiiiiiii.……. Jai here. So this video is gonna be a little bit different. I dont have my lights or my smile or my stand. Im not even editing this video. I think its time for you guys to know. I self harm. I have been cutting and taking pills for about a year now. Do you ever feel that your being used? (crying) And now im crying again. But dudes self harm is not the answer. Its not sexy. I just didnt know how to express my feelings or get my anger out so I let it out on myself. I know im always encouraging you guys to be yourself and how im always happy. But really sometimes I just have to tell myself no. Now what am I having an anxiety attack overWell I had a girlfriend lets call her A because you guys know im all about that pll shit. Anyway A has been cheating on me for 2 months with my bully. And the reason it hurts so much is because I really loved her and didnt see it comingThis video is too long. Wrists are for bracelets not for cutting. Mouths are for pizza not for pills.

Stay Rad!

I cut my camera off and upload it to youtube. I title it as Self Harm. I tweet out

@JaiGilinsky:  Check out my new youtube video. Hope you guys understand. :):

I turn all my things off and drift off to sleep.

The next morning I am woken up by my alarm. I roll out of bed and look at the time 8:00. I have school today but me and Juliana arent going because the boys leave today.

I throw on a outfit then walk over to my braclets. I put them on to cover my wrists. After 10 minutes I head downstairs. Everyone is in the van. I grab my phone then head into the van.

I slide the door closed and relax.

" Took you long enough pretty boy" hayes says smacking my cheek lightly

"haha" I say sarcasticly

The van pulls off and we head to the airport. After about 20 minutes we arrive. We head to the gate and say our goodbyes.

I run up to my dad and hug him.

" Ill see you in 1 month" dad says tearing up

" Im leaving my daughter with you for a month. Take good care of her" matt says

" I will protect her no matter what" I say

I run over to my dad again and give him a hug.

" Be careful. I love you son" he says

" I love you too dad" I say

I then look at hayes and he holds his arms out and screams.


I run up to him and Jump into his arms. I wrap my legs around him and we stay exactlty like that for like 10 minutes.

Matts Pov

" Daddy do you have to go? " juliana asks

" Yeah baby im sorry" I say as juliana starts crying I pick her up and hug her till they call the plane.

" Flight C36 now boarding"

" Jai is gonna take care of you ok? " I say

" Promise? " she asks holding out her pinky

" Promise" I say hooking my pinky on as a tear escapes from my eye.

Jai Pov

The plane is called and I hop off of hayes. He looks at me with tears in his eyes.

" Dont forget me" he says

" How could I forget pooh bear? " I ask chuckling

" Dont call me that" he says trying to hold back a smile.

" I love you dude" I say hugging him again

" I love you too bro" he says.

We let go and they walk away. Juliana runs in my arms and I pick her up.

Time to get responsible.

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