Chapter 2 A new leaf

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As the days went by ive grown quite an attraction to Madison as we sit in the autumn forest talking waiting for the shrooms to kick in i suddenly feel myself not being me. or was it actually the real me? my mind rushes through my memories till i suddenly hear madisons alarmed voice and she says, " hey eren are you ok?"

"hm? oh yeah, i think its definitely kicking in" i let out a reassuring laugh, but deep inside i feel my world turning.

She laughs and starts to play some amazing music that hit my ears in a beautiful clarity like symphony. I sit on broken tree trunk and think of how the instrumentals were made.

I close my eyes seeing nice visuals and then feel madisons presence against my arm, I open my eyes and see she's leaning on my shoulder. I suddenly get this feeling that i dont know what I an doing right now. I start feeling like a stranger to her, no, myself. I start thinking more and more about me which makes my brain start to go insane. I feel exhausted mentally I tell myself "its alright this is just the shrooms trying to give me a bad trip" i look at Madison and she's off in her own world and im too nervous to say anything.

My mind is now really in torture, every problem that comes up about me no matter how hard i try to deny it and try finding an alternative I feel like it loops back around and im stuck again. I want Madison to help me so i tell her.

"i dont feel so right" staring forward.

"why whats wrong?" she says worried.

"my thoughts.. theirs no way around them they keep hitting me with depression and loops that never end"

she tells me to not think about it and that its just b.s that not to let it get to me no matter what, but it did, and it wasnt gonna leave..

after some time has passed i now realize this was the worst experience of my life and regret going with her cause we barely talked and she wasnt there for me.

As it got darker the shrooms wore off and i told her im going home, she asked "hey.. how about a hug?" i gave her a weak hug and started off. she quickly asks "is something wrong?" i look at her to see if she's serious, she was, wow, the fact she didnt know this whole time.. I tell her im fine and go home. i go to my room and the depression knocks me straight to sleep.

I wake up and see that Madison messaged me her number and other b.s texts about if im okay or not. i decide to ignore and just lay in bed staring at a tree near my window for the whole day.

the next day was the same except i left the t.v on so my mom could just think im being lazy. I ate, slept, ate, slept for the next 5 days just staring at my tree and ignoring all social contact, i lied to my mom saying i was sick so i could miss school. I look at what my lifes becoming and realize that its not my life becoming something else, My life is becoming what i truly am. I see a leaf fall off the tree and am somewhat intrigued seeing its redish yellow color slip away from all the other leaves. Their will be a new leaf i thought to myself. During these 5 days I laid there, thinking, whats my purpose? does anyone really care about me? am I just another cockroach to the world? I finally give in and check my phone my mind was too drained or something cause i couldnt even acknowledge the text messages i got, but i go to madisons and see that shes worried with all these texts saying "hey are you mad at me?" "are you okay?" "im sorry:(" "please just tell me something". I reply with a hey and damn that girl replied so quick.

text messages:

"hey"

"omg hey are you okay?:("

"yup. just ugh. tired from those shrooms"

"thats weird that doesnt usually happen.."

"yeah well im fine so. w.e."

"..hey.. uhm.. do you wanna hang soon?"

"uhh.. when?"

"Tomorrow?"

"i might be free"

"great.. i wanted to show you something while we were tripping but you seemed to be tripping really hard haha.."

"oh yeah i was trpping alright.. well hey look imma bout to sleep so ill see you at school tomorrow ok?"

"ok:)"

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