I don't know what to feel.
And a whole munch of other types of moods I'm feeling right now at the moment. It's like if I were to be a girl on her period eating some ice cream watching Teen Wolf or something!?!
Ughh I'm such a mess. A complete mess. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
And I'm trying so so hard not to go back to the dark times I had in the past.
I promised myself I won't
I promised myself I won't cut anymore.
As I'm writing this I'm inside a bathroom stall. Sitting down with my knees close to my chest but leaving a space in between so that I can write.
I shake a lot when I'm ether worried, stressing, or terrified.
And right now its stressing.
Yup. I'm stressing again. And I don't have my pills or anything with me right now. I'm starting to get a lot freaked out because I can't concentrate. The only thing I can concentrate on is my wrists.
My brain is dying and begging for me to scratch my wrists.
I'm sweating now.
My brain wants me to cut. It needs me to cut.
I'm shaking more now.
Its hard. It's hard trying to block those thoughts out of my brain every single day of my life. But I hope it stops. And I hope and pray that I can tackle those demons.
Because my brain might be saying "cut your wrists", "scratch your wrists", "die", "no one likes you".
But the inside of me has a little hope.
And that little hope. Helped me though out my life.
And I know I just know one day that little hope will die out one of these days.
And before that day comes I just want to say something.
I love you Nash.
And you might not know this yet and you probably never will, but you don't understand just how much I do.
You probably already got the hint that these letters are for you.
I'm so so so sorry for everything I have done to make you feel sad or anger. It wasn't my intention. Honest. And I know right now you won't talk to me for a long time. But that's ok because slow and steady is better right?
I feel like a jackass for telling you those stuff. The only selfish bitch here is me.
I'm the one only thinking about himself all the time. I'm the one that wants everything my way.
It's not you Nash its me. And I know right now that sounded so cheesy. But it's only the truth.
I only make things worser and I think it is best for me to quit Magcon. I mean the only thing I do I'd cause problems.
At least that's what I think. I'm pretty sure you would agree though.
I just heard someone come in the bathroom doors.
I should probably leave you with this.
Then though I might not be the pretties, the strongest, the most popular person, but I would do anything and I mean anything for you Nash. I truly and really do love you. I might over exaggerate a lot, but I don't know why exactly I do that. But I'll promise to try and control it just for you. I'm going to keep my distance from you and leave. If that's what you want them I'll give it to you.
I'm gonna miss you.
I love you.
Lots Of Love,
YOU ARE READING
My Letters To You (Cash)Fanfiction
Hi my names Cameron. Cam for short. And I'm afraid of coming out. Especially now since I guess I'm very well know to the world. I just can't take it anymore. So I'm writing letters to you. The way you make me feel, and the way I feel. Problem is tha...