Dear Tris,

I went to the the town square.

I saw Caleb.

I never knew it was possible to hate and be disgusted by someone as much as I am.

I didn't want to talk to him or even be close to him, but it was like I was a moth attracted to flame. I couldn't help it, Tris, I had to. It should've been him.
And that's exactly what I told him when I went up to him.

My emotions of hatred and disgust must have shown on my face because he looked utterly terrified of me.

Good.

But then I did something.

I punched him.

I couldn't help it. It was like seeing him broke the dam of emotions I built inside myself for a year and everything just came out, on him.

He was the one who killed you. He was just as responsible as I was. He was the last person who saw you.

I think that's what it all came down to. That someone as despicable and horrible as him got to talk to you one last time, and I never got the chance to say I love you again.

After realizing what I'd done to him, I left and went back to my apartment.

That was three days ago.

I'm still inside, trapped by shame and anger and sadness and loss.

I want to be sorry for what I did to Caleb but I can't, Tris, and I'm sorry. I wish I was a better person, like you.

Please forgive me.

Love,

Tobias

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