August 15, 2014: CONFESSIONS/ebr seeks advice

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Ugh.

I hate it when my brain starts to think about things that happened in the past.

Okay; so I really can't remember if I have ever talked about this before, but I need to say it, because honestly it's gotten to the point where I'm leaving for college in exactly one week, and I don't want to leave any loose ties behind between high school acquaintances.

By acquaintances, I mean my friends, and the people, or person, that used to be my best friend.

If you have read "Most Cliche Story...." then you probably know a lot about me. The times at which my life had ups and downs, the times I was mad at certain people, or met new people. "Most Cliche Story..." Was honestly the thing that held me down during a weird time in my high school life. I was switching friends, finding myself, building up relationships I had severed. I don't know.. There is a lot in MCS that I probably shouldn't have put in. And I'm contemplating about taking it down.

Don't, I repeat, don't freak out. I'm honestly just doing it, because even though it was my first story and I know some of you have read, or are in the process of reading it, but the thing is... I'm really not proud of that story. I LOVE Forever and Ever, Amen. I LOVE all the small stories that I wrote. MCS is just too damn long, it's repetitive, and it's so freaking cliche and girly and just not really me. I love Love stories, but not the ones that just go on forever.

Bailey and Jack go in so many circles. Jack leaves her, then he loves her, she doesn't want him around, then she does, he loses memory of her and hates her, she hates him, they love each other, they hate each other, then they don't talk for like.... ten years and all the sudden everything is rainbows and butterflies and they live happily ever after...  EW

UGH. It bothered me when I wrote it. But I couldn't let go of my story. It was my child. It literally was my heart and soul, because the people in that story had characteristics and backgrounds that I took from real people's lives.

Yeah, so in one way or another, Bailey is a real person. She may not have collapsed and had a cast, but she does have scoliosis in three spots. She may not have moved to California and given away her camera, but she did have a friend like Kendall, and Kristal, and Kelly, and Harper. (Kendall is not as rude as I make her to be. I was just mad. Extremely mad at the girl who I portray as Kendall...)Jack may not have fallen off the deep end and resorted to suicide, but he has made some bad decisions in his life. He may not end up with Bailey, but he still loves Bailey more than anything, and has a best friend that's always there, one that is closely portrayed as John. Maxwell may not have liked Bailey, or even knew who she was, but he is from England, and he did play soccer.

SO in a sense, all those characters were real, I just made them do things that fit the story line.

On the completely other hand. Tyson, Xavier, Isaac, Taylor, everyone from California was completely made up. I had run out of people to base characters off of, and that was really hard. To make a character up, give them a background, and remember who's story is who's. but as I wrote those stories, I realized how much I actually liked making up characters, rather than basing them off of other people. They were so original, I mean, as original as one who isn't proficient at writing, could be.

Okay, I knew this would happen; I'd get completely off the point I was making.

So about the story, and Bailey and Jack.

Well,

if you haven't guessed by now, Bailey is based off of me.

So yeah,

that's where I was going when I meant you probably can understand a lot about me if you read Most Cliche Story. Which is why I need to take it down. It's too personal, especially with the whole Jack thing.

I'll just tell this story with the names Jack and Bailey, just to make it less confusing to read/less hard for me to write.

SO Jack and Bailey did meet in Chemistry class, and Kendall did push them together, and by push, I'm not exaggerating.

So here they were, texting, getting to know each other, and they became really good friends. Bailey could tell almost anything to Jack, and she loved that she could finally tell someone how she really was feeling. Bailey was always on the shy side, but Jack brought her out of that. He gave her something to look forward to everyday; an actual friend that cared.

It took Bailey a while to realize that Jack liked her. He literally would do anything for her and she was loving the attention. When he finally asked her to be his girlfriend, she was caught up in all his kindness, and thought that she too liked him back. so she said "sure" (don't judge she was a tenth grader with no experience on what to say when someone asked her out... she's not going to make that mistake again.) so they went on with their normal lives. Literally. Nothing really changed between the two of them, except maybe they would hug for a half a second longer, or sit closer together.

But on the inside, it was tearing Bailey apart. She didn't tell her parents, because she could never find the words to say. She was embarrassed, but didn't know why.

And she kept this secret, not like her parents didn't know, I'm sure they did, but she refused to tell anyone she was in a relationship. Over the summer, the two of them texted literally 24/7. It was literally stupid. Nothing ever really had any substance in their conversations, except for maybe when they'd talk at like... 2 AM.

Finally, nearing the end of summer, Jack asked Bailey to go out with him and his friends. She went, and that was the day Jack realized the relationship was coming to an end (at least, that's how Bailey felt it all went down.) After the couple hours they spent together, Bailey could tell Jack was upset, but she didn't know why. about a week later, he broke up with her... over text. Instead of crying or being depressed, there was a weight lifted from Bailey's shoulders, like she didn't have to hide anymore. She understood that she really never liked Jack the way he liked her. She just liked the attention, something no one ever really gave her. It was all an illusion, but she could see through the smoke; her feelings weren't the same as his, and from the looks of it, Jack knew.

So that's the extent of Jack and Bailey's relationship.

It took a while, but they become friends again. they would talk all the time, but now they actually had substance to their conversations. They argued on end, but it was playful arguments, deep down they knew they could never hate the other person, they knew too much about each other. Plus, Jack still really liked Bailey.

This went on for two years. During the summer before their freshman year of college, Jack started to text bailey again, saying things that used to make Bailey smile, but now they just were uncomfortable. It had been two years since their breakup, and not once has Jack told Bailey of why he really dumped her.

So my question to you...

How does Bailey go about cutting off the loose rope that is Jack? She doesn't like him anymore, but he was a really good friend, one that she'll never forget. He tells her they should hang out before they go off to college, but whenever she talks to him, she just feels like she's leading him on, something she never intends to do. She wants to know what you guys think she should do, because right now she's completely lost. Meeting him and talking about it just seems like it'll end in a tragic problem that Bailey didn't want to cause. If she doesn't talk to him about it though, she feels like he will think there is still hope for him.

Honestly, the two aren't relate-able to the other anymore. Bailey moved on, but she doesn't feel like Jack has, and even though she doesn't like him anymore, she still cares that he is okay and has also moved on with his life. She ultimately wants him to be happy, in his own life, with a girl that would love him more than she ever could

But she just doesn't know how to tell him,

so if you have advice for Bailey. Please tell her. she's going crazy not knowing what to do with Jack.

I love you all, and thanks for understanding and reading.

If you have any advice, please tell me.. I'm so lost.

Goodnight my lovely readers.

ebr <3 :)

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