it's been a while since me and calum have actually talked because he's been so busy with Dakota.
my feelings for him are gone I guess, I don't like anyone at the moment.
tonight luke, Michael, Ashton and I decided we should go to the club because we honestly have nothing better to do.
school starts in 10 days and to be honest I'm not ready to go back there.
I slipped on a tight black dress and put on some black pumps.
I straightened my hair and put on some make up.
as I walked down stairs the boys were waiting and I heard a whistle.
I walked over to Ashton as he spoke "you look great cas"
"thank you" I smiled feeling confident about what I was wearing.
"well are you guys ready to go?" luke asked
"leggo!" Michael said as I laughed at his stupidity.
we've been at the club for a bout an hour now and I haven't seen any of the boys.
at the moment I was dancing with a really attractive guy, his name is chad and he's 19, a little too old for me.
yes I am only 16 and I am at a club but that's what happens when you know celebrities.
I guess I can pass for 18 because chad believed it.
I was pretty drunk, I've had about 10 drinks already.
he grabbed my waist and turned me around.
our lips were centimeters away. I could feel his breaths on my face.
soon enough our lips connected.
to be honest I felt nothing.
I just want to be young hook up and all that good stuff.
I mean I don't want to be a whore but I'm done being some saint. I want to loose my virginity I want to be crazy.
pretty soon things got heated and we ended up back at his place.
as we were making out on his bed I could feel him tug at his shirt, so I pulled off mine.
I woke up feeling a pang in my head. I flipped over on my bed hugging on to my pillow until I realized it was a person and he was breathing.
my eyes quickly shot open as some memories from last night replayed in my mind.
in that moment I noticed I was completely naked so I quickly ran into the bathroom with all my clothes.
I can't believe I lost my virginity especially for something so meaningless.
I quickly grabbed my bag and ran out the door.
looks like I'm walking home ...
I'm freaking out. we couldn't find casey last night at the club so we figured she came home.
but when we checked her house she was no where to be found.
I've called her over 30 times and I'm so scared.
what if something happened to her?
it would be my fault for not protecting her.
I basically spent the whole night getting drunk to try and forget about my feelings for casey and try and have some fun but instead it increased my want for her.