Guardian

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// Fey is Storm-Shadows7's character//

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I will always be there for you, no matter what. In sickness in health. Till death do us part. 

Except death doesn't part like many think. Physically, yes. She may never see my face again, may never feel my touch. But I'll be there for her. I'll be beside her forever. I will watch over her, and our child. 

How I wish I could've been there when he was born. So small, so tiny. I was there, in a sense, though she would never know. 

What I would give just to let her know I'm here. To touch her hand and have her reach back, and hold mine. She can't feel the touch, doesn't even know I'm there. I don't think she ever will. 

But it's better than not being there, right?

I tell myself that everyday. Every time I reach out and she doesn't reach back. At least I can reach out. At least I'm there. 


She looks beautiful. 

"Fey, I know you can't hear me, but please know you're beautiful. I love you." 

Words that will never reach her ears, but I say them anyway. She needs to know that. Even if it's just a murmur in the back of her mind, or a moment of silence, she needs to know. 

I reach out gently and touch her shoulder, rubbing my hand down her arm. She moves her arm to reach up and brush back her hair. She looks so sad. I wish I could wipe away her tears, wish I could kiss her forehead and remind her that it's alright. 

But I'm the reason she's crying. 

"I'm sorry..." 

I wrap my arms around her, collapse against her. She just stands there, staring at herself like she does every morning. I hold her, like I do every morning. She doesn't feel it, doesn't see it, just stands there. 

"I'm so sorry..." 

Another moment of silence that she may not understand, but one that needs to be had. This is all my fault. If only I could be there. 

"Mama!" 

A smaller voice from outside the room. I know who it is before his shining face ever appears. Fey pulls away without ever knowing I'm there and turns, a smile spreading across her face as she sees her little boy.

Our little boy. 

"Hey there, sweetheart. You're up early," Fey laughs a little as she scoops our son up into her arms. Koeko throws his arms around her neck and giggles. 

"I couldn't sleep mama, Ithos is making pancakes!" 

Fey smiled and hugged him close, chuckling softly. Only I can hear the hint of sadness in her voice. I should be in there helping. Even blind as I was, I was some good in the kitchen. Even with all her worry, I know she'd rather I was in there than trapped here, somewhere she can never find me. 

I reach out and touch her shoulder, hoping to offer some unseen comfort. It appears to work, but I think it's more of Koeko's contagious smile as he giggles and squirms in her arms. I smile softly, sadly. Will he be alright, growing up without a father? Does he even know that I'm dead? Does he understand? 

Will he understand?

I bite back tears as I reach out to brush my hand over his cheek. Koeko shivers a little and turns his face towards me. For a moment it's like he can see me, his clear hazel eyes staring straight at me. I wish he truly could see me. I wish I could hold him and laugh with him. He deserves a father. 

"Well, shall we have breakfast?" Fey asks, starting to leave as she carries Koeko towards the kitchen. 

I follow silently, treading behind them as I move through the walls without an issue. A ghost in my own home. A guardian to watch over my family, yet never able to see or interact with them. Its like someones sick version of a prison. I'm forced to watch their lives, watch them grow and laugh, and learn to love. Forced to watch the love of my life pine away for me without ever being able to comfort her. Forced to watch my son grow up without a father, unable to assure him that once, he had one.

Maybe the stories about ghosts were true. Spirits trapped between realms, unable to rest. Only it's not what anyone thinks. It's not just trouble souls flitting about watching over their families. 

It's torture. 

I can feel myself shaking, tears welling up in my eyes. I race after them as they get slightly ahead. I grab for Fey's arm, wishing just for once she would respond. Just once, turn around, and look at me. I need her. 

"Fey...please...just, look at me..." 

Tears streaking my face now, more falling as she moves away from me, down the hall towards the kitchen. She doesn't see me. Doesn't know I'm there. She never will. 

I'll always be there for her. But she'll never know it. 

My knees give out, I slip to the floor, clutching the charm she left me with. The thin strap of leather digs into my neck as I clutch it to my chest with shaking hands. A reminder of our love, of our bond, of our boy. 

A reminder of everything I left behind because I wasn't strong enough. She comes back down the hall, alone now, looking for something. I start up, grab at her as she pauses, looking around. I grip her hands, even though she can't feel it. I look up at her face, tears streaking my own. 

"I'm so sorry, Fey. I'm so sorry...please, forgive me."

Her head turns, her eyes peer straight forward. She stares right at me, eyes locked on mine. I can't let go of her, only squeeze her hands tighter, staring right back.

"Please..."

She closes her eyes, then lets out a heavy sigh and pulls out of my invisible grasp. Walks straight through me and moves back to her room. 

I drop to my knees again, too weak to stand. 

She can't see me. I'm just a ghost of her past. But as much as it hurts, I can't leave her. I will never leave her. 

I look back in the direction she went. 

"I promise I'll never leave you. Whether you know I'm here or not, I will be here. I will be by your side. Through life and death. I promise to watch over you. Fey, I love you..." 

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