Drunk. Yup. Totally wasted. I had to admit to myself that I was intoxicated. Going over the fence the first time felt impossible. I knew in my gut that there was simply no way. The climb. How was I going to climb back up and over? I was too far gone.
"Gimme a sec..." I slurred.
"Why is the ground moving?" The words slipped from my lips before I realized I said them.
Some random chimes in "you're drunk," and I just rolled my eyes.
I pulled my jeans over my wet body. Amanda had to help me put my shirt back on. Shame. I looked at that fence and it seemed even taller the second time.
With unsteady hands I gripped the fence. As I gripped the fence I had begun to pull myself up. The first attempt failed. So did the second. I tried over and over but I kept falling. Most of the others were on the other side by this point just watching me flounder.
Green Eyes must have taken pity on me because he stayed behind with me.
"Here..." he whispered as he gently pushed me from behind and supporting me until I got to the top. At the top I flipped one leg over the edge, my denim pants got caught on the barbed wire.
I was stuck. I felt the wire slicing into the flesh of my thigh but there was nothing I could do. I was at the top of the fence and I could't move. Amanda was calling me but her voice sounded so far away I didn't know what she was saying.
Green Eyes climbed over to the other side of the fence and and started to pull me down. He yanked a little too hard and I heard the jeans rip and my thigh rip as my body came free and I started to fall. My chin scraped the fence on the way down, my arms flailed In the air.
Time slowed as I fell. My brain couldn't keep up with what was happening, I saw myself falling but it felt like a dream. Yes, a dream. I am home right now dreaming that I am falling and when I fall I will wake up safe and sound in my bed. Things will be just fine.
Except, it wasn't a dream and I fell with a crash partly on my butt and partly on my back. My head hit the ground last and I swear I heard a crack as it bounced off the concrete. Blood flowed freely from the open wound on my leg. I lifted my hand and felt the back of my head, it felt like nothing. I breathed a sigh of relief until my hands were in front of my face and I saw that it was covered in red liquid. Everyone stood around me in awe.
Green Eyes didn't know what to do with his hands. He ran them through his hair and slammed them into his pocket.
"I'm..." his voice trailed off.
"It's not your fault," Amanda said to him offering him a comfort that I was incapable of offering.
"Are you alright?" she said to me.
I heard her but I'm not sure if I understood her question.
"Am I alright?" I asked her to confirm.
"You're alright," she responded.
"I'm alright," I answered.
Why did I say I'm alright? I wasn't alright. My body was burning. My head was spinning and I was literally bleeding out. I was bleeding out right? Is that what was happening?
Someone told her that we needed to stop the bleeding. I don't know which one said it. I thanked them in my head. I couldn't form complete sentences at this point. If you told me my name was Jane I might have said "thank you".
Green Eyes and another guy helped me to my feet and we went to find a bathroom. We walked for what felt like forever, Green Eyes and the other one holding my weight as we slowly made our way to a public restroom. We found one and I felt them as they had begun to pull my jeans off of me.
I wanted to stop them but I had no voice. I thought they were going to hurt me. Fear clenched my chest like a vice.
"No," was all I could pull out of myself. They poured water on the wound on my leg and someone was tearing a cloth and wrapping it on my head. The shock of what they were doing had me sobered up just enough to see the giant hole in my thigh.
Words formed in my mouth. "I want to go home," I told her.
She looked at me, there was a bit of sadness in her eyes for a moment. It flashed so quickly one would think it never happened at all.
"I don't want to go yet" she replied.
I didn't know what to tell her. I had no more words left. My mind was a haze and I found myself growing weaker with each passing moment.
"Let's clean you up and we can decide what to do after," she said with a finality I hadn't realized she was capable of.
I nodded my head and she began to clean my wound. We managed to stop the bleeding but I was starting to feel the pain.
"It hurts," I told her, there was a tremble in my voice.
"Here," she handed me her last 40. "Finish this" I took it from her with trembling hands.
There was a moment when I think I saw hesitation in her, when she questioned whether or not she should hand me the bottle. The hesitation faded and was replaced with resolve. I would drink and it would drown out the pain that was beginning to course through my body. The pain that radiated from my open wound and down my leg. The pain that ached in my back and the pain behind my head that offered me little comfort for what the morning would bring. Tonight, I would drink and dull this pain. I would drink away the sorrows and the ache that had grown inside me . With that resolution firmly in place I started to drink.
Edited to add more dialogue.
YOU ARE READING
When You Realize You've Become a Mean Girl...and What Comes Next (In Editing)Non-Fiction
It isn't every day that you find yourself waking up and realizing "Hey, I'm a mean girl." I could make sure people like you didn't make their way into our circle and I was very good at it. You wanted to sit with us? No thank you. You wanted to talk...