FOOLS

08: accountability. (pt.1)

mother dearest, let me inherit the earth.

teach me how to make him beg. let me make up for the years he made you wait. did he bend your reflection? did he make you forget your own name? did he convince you he was a god? did you get on your knees daily? do his eyes close like doors? are you a slave to the back of his hand?

am i talking about your husband or your father?

/

JIMIN BARELY uttered a word as he drove rosalie hack home. not that she was complaining, it was just odd regarding his lack of effort compared to how the ride to the gathering went. she just sighs and looks out her window, trying not to think about the urgent way jimin suggested they leave, and his obvious discomfort now. his hands were holding the steering wheel so tightly, rosalie genuinely thought he might break it.

when they finally arrived home, jimin looked towards rosalie, knowing he should say something to her to convince her of some normalcy, but the only thing he could think of was what hoseok said when he cornered him in the bathroom. did you ever consider how much you've played her for the fool that she isn't? and the thing was, jimin honestly didn't consider that, it was never a thought that flew across his mind. and he absolutely hates himself for it.

it just wasn't fair to her.

rosalie opens her door, and cool wind passes through and smears against jimin's cheek, subtly revealing some type of reality, "goodnight, jimin."

she didn't even look at him. neither did she hold his head endearingly and kiss him goodnight, because he tore up whatever they had by deliberately going to another to do that in place of her. her eyes, now drowsy from the quiet ride, meet the night, instead of his face. she exits the car, and begins to walk inside.

"goodnight, rosalie," he says, hearing the door slam closed and driving off into the night, his quarreling thoughts refraining him from checking if she even made it in safely.

he drives, not knowing where he's going until he'll arrive somewhere— anywhere, really, but here. he couldn't go where he really desired, and he really didn't want to go to that hotel, so he's decided to drive until he tires of it. anything to keep his mind off the conversation he had earlier, anything to hinder his acknowledgement of the way hoseok vehemently spit out every word. were they really just 'friends'?

god, i'm horrible. he thought it before he could stop himself, but he had no right to, and he knows it. what she did—unless it involved haeran—didn't necessarily concern him in the slightest anymore. it was one of the hardest to swallow pills he's ever taken. he had to nip the thought of rosalie involving herself with hoseok in the bud anyway, because considering the way she was so heartbroken at jimin's infidelity, there was no way she would do such a thing herself. rosalie was a lot of things, but never a hypocrite.

fluorescent lights illuminate the highways jimin enters on, fueling his odyssey with the destination unknown. his suit pulls at his chest and he can feel his heart beat and his chest rise and fall with heightened senses. he is thinking everything and nothing simultaneously; his eyes dart and his pupils dilate with every beam of light he passes and his car soars through the night. his arms steer his vehicle as if he's driving off of one too many bottles of beer, but sober nevertheless.

thinking some fresh air would aid him in relieving some of his mind's ambivalent state, he lowers his windows and hears the cars zoom by. this goes on for some time; with him sitting  and driving to who knows where, with his mind raging with an abundance of guilt and pure longing.

eventually, his journey ends. his car slows, pulling into a parking space near an array of apartment homes, sitting at its lonesome under orange lights in the vacant space. he leans back, groaning, and loosening his tie that was just too tight—all these years and i could still barely tie a tie without her help. his hands find his hair, disheveling it just so it can fall back in place: an esteemed yet unnoticed rebellion against himself. should i scream? he wonders, because this would definitely be the place to do it.

he considers doing that, just yelling until his throat was sore, but all he could do was sit in silence, pondering over hoseok's words despite his past efforts of stopping. if he dared to open his mouth it wouldn't open with yells of anguish, but with weeps of despair — and that he knew. but his thoughts would have no mercy on him either.

i'd say, your first mistake was the cheat of course,

his hand was to his mouth, and his eyes were sewn shut. a tear threatens to break through its captive barrier. he holds it in, but not for reasons he knows why.

hoseok's voice floats an echoes slightly in his head.

all you're doing now, is suffering the consequences. reaping what you've sowed...

"oh god," the tiniest whimper escapes him then, he can feel his insides sort of shatter and fall to the floor with a ferocity too great to be described. a tear finally slips through, falling from his cheek to silently dripping onto the center console.

hoseok smiled at him then. he fucking smiled—

you live, and you learn, right?

a sound suddenly startles him, interrupting his self inflicted anguish, and he looks up to see the face of the very person who contributed in tearing his family apart.

her smile is overbearingly saccharine, her face was bare and beautiful and her hand was already poised for his own to succumb to it, be it willingly or not.

choi ahn stood confident outside in the very parking lot to her appartement, peering into the window of the one she just refuses to let go.

her voice is sweet. too damn sweet. he watches her breath fog against the glass.

"hello, jimin."

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a / n: :)