It's night, we can talk

It's night, let's talk. Part two.

Monica was staying on the bus all alone. Matt and the rest of the boys went outside to see the city before their gig but she wasn't really up to do anything like that - not sightseeing nor socialising. To be honest she's been avoiding people for whole day today. And she didn't even know why. She grabbed her camera and started watching all the pictures she's taken until now. Well as a matter of fact she could've downloaded them all on her laptop but it seemed like even that simple action was too much for her today so instead she's been watching one picture after another without paying any attention to what she was doing but she had to keep herself busy otherwise she would go crazy.
Thanks god Matt had explained how the bus's music system works so she was able to play some songs to make the voices in her head less audible. The voices, thoughts that she tried to push away so hard and for so long but during days like these they were always coming stronger and louder. She checked her playlists and started listening to the saddest songs she knew. She's always been like that, she's always been listening to some kind of depressing music making herself feel even worse but it was working for her after all.
As usual Matt was the first to be back. He opened the bus door, went in and heard some music playing. He smiled once he recognised one of his old songs he's been playing with his old band but it sounded quite different now. It took him few seconds to realise that someone was singing along and the voice was really, really good. Checking their lounge room he saw Monica sitting on the sofa, well, more like she curled in the corner. She was so focused on music and singing that she didn't even noticed his presence. But thanks to that he could watch her performing. The song got to an end but was quickly replaced with another one - My darkest days again, and again not the happy one. He was pretty sure he saw her wiping her tears away.
- You sound like someone just broke your heart. - he said, revealing himself.
Monica jumped onto her feet and stopped the music. She blushed. Since she could remember she was always trying her best so no one could hear her singing - she didn't want to make a fool of herself.
- Something happened? - Matt asked.
- What? No... Why would anything happened?
- You sound quite sad and you look sad too.
- It's nothing. - Monica shrugged.
Matt was eyeing her. It was so obvious that she'd been lying but she wasn't really in mood to talk about it.
- Where's everyone? - she asked, changing the subject.
- I guess they'll be here shortly. Are you hungry?
Monica just turned her head as no. She's lost her appetite too.
- Ok. - Matt didn't want to force anything onto her.
While being in their kitchen he looked through all the food in the fridge and then gave a quick peek to Monica. Except for the stuff that he and the band ate no food's been even touched - she didn't eat anything at all from yesterday. What was bothering her that much that she didn't even want to eat?
- Hey, are you dieting or something? - he said with a funny voice, hoping she'd tell him anything.
No response. He closed the fridge and went back to the salon. Monica was sitting on the sofa, resting her head on the hand.
- Monica, you sure everything's alright?
He moved bit closer to see her face.
- Ya know ya can talk to me?
She looked at him. In her eyes there was nothing but some strangely looking sadness and emptiness. He sat right next to her, forgetting he's been hungry just a minute ago. Moments later she turned a little so she could see him, a glimpse of a smile appeared on her face.
- Everything's fine, Matt.
- Ain't look or sound like it is.
- Oh god... - she whimpered. - That was the one thing you were supposed to not hear.
- Your voice is good. But why so sad? And the songs you've chosen weren't the merrier either.
Monica sighed and stared at the wall in front of her. She had no idea what to say but she had her own reasons. The days she hated so much came again. The days when all the memories from the past hit her with the strength of a full speed tank.
- I sounded like someone had just broken my heart because that what happened indeed. - she said quietly after few minutes. - And I can't forget him. I don't want to forget. I'm so scared that if I let myself forget it's gonna be like he's never been in my life.
She hid her face in her hands. She felt defeated and hopeless. She wanted to start crying but couldn't do that again in front of Matt - he saw her crying way too many times lately. He looked at her, feeling sorry for her. He knew exactly how she felt, when someone you loved so much breaks your heart. He's been through this before and felt like he's never gonna feel  anything for anyone. As a matter of fact he even has stopped looking for someone to start a new relationship, he didn't want the same thing to happen again.
- Do you want to talk about it? - he asked. - It helps sometimes, ya know, to talk to someone.
- I'm not sure there's anything to talk about, really. I fell for a wrong guy, end of story. If only I knew it's gonna end up like this, I would've done my best to not meet him at all.
- Heart wants what it wants.
- Sometimes I'm wondering what is wrong with me. It must be something otherwise guys wouldn't be running away from me.
- I assure you everything's absolutely fine with you. I told you already that you haven't met the right one who will know how to handle you, that's all.
- Yeah, well I think I'll forget all the love and romance stuff. I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it through all over again. That would be probably the very last thing in my life and I would be dead right after.
- Oh, come on, don't give up! There's gonna be that one man who will appreciate you and gonna kiss the ground you stand on. - Matt was trying to make her smile.
- Wow that was a good one... And what about you?
- What about me?
- Why are you still single?
Matt wondered for a second.
- I guess it's the same reason...
- And you're giving me advice, oh boy... There's gonna be that one girl who will appreciate you and gonna kiss the ground you stand on. - she winked at him.
- The irony, huh?
- Yeah.
Monica couldn't do anything but smile. Somehow he manage to change her mood. At least for some time. Apparently they both were some kind of victims of love.
- Matt?
- Mhmm...
- Thank you.
- What for? You know that you tend to thank a lot, right?
- I know. - the girl giggles. - Well let's say I want to thank you for your music, you know, the My darkest days era. Even if it brings all the memories back. I guess it's good I haven't known it back then otherwise I don't think I'd be sitting here with you. I really was hitting the hard bottom and wasn't sure if I'll be strong enough to make it through. Ya know, I could stay at home and drink it all by myself, I couldn't focus on anything, damn it, I couldn't walk the same streets I used to! Everything was reminding me of him. It took me a fucking year to pull myself together and start socialising with people but I still felt kinda lost, out of place, dunno. I moved out, I just ran away. It cut me down too deep, it still hurts but less.
- The guy doesn't know what he's lost. - Matt said in firm voice. - Just look at yourself!
Monica raised her brows, not knowing what he meant.
- I did tell you, you're pretty, smart and bright... Now it also happened that you're talented too. That guy is a complete fool! I'm pretty sure if he could see you now he'd be cursing himself for letting you go.
- I doubt. He got back to his ex, married her and they have a kid now. I'm not even sure he remembers me at all.
- Well it doesn't make him less of a dick, does it? I'm not gonna tell you to forget him because I know way too well that this is impossible but at least try not to beat yourself over it, not worth it, really.
The girl just sighed. She knew very well that Matt was right - she couldn't let her past destroy her present and her future.
- Hey, listen, we're going to the club after the concert.
- To the club? You?
- I know, it doesn't sound like me. - Matt laughed out loud. - Wanna join?
- Me? To the club? I'm not the club type of a girl, really.
- So am I but what do I care?
- Actually... Yeah, why not? Let's go! But that means I will have to go out for some last minute shopping because I honestly have no such clothes.
- Well we still got some time so you should be able to be back before we start. - Matt checked his phone. - I am pretty sure I've seen some mall nearby.
Monica got on to her feet and searched her bag for a wallet she's been keeping inside. Then she put her leather jacket on, brushed her hair and zipped up her boots. When she was just about to leave the bus she smiled graciously at Matt.
- Monica! Listen... There's one more thing...
She turned around to face him only to see that weird face expression of him when he wanted to say something but wasn't really sure if he should.
- Something happened?
- Well... Because... You see... Well the UK tour is about to finish and... I spoke to the guys... It might sounds weird or stupid but... You know your pics are awesome! - she had never seen Matt stuttering like that before, doesn't matter in real life or in some video, never. What got into him?
- Matt, what's going on?
- Wouldn't you like to go on tour with us? - Matt said it all so fast she could hardly understand.
- What?
- A second photographer would come in handy.
Monica couldn't believe in what she just heard. She just lean onto the half opened doors - she either misheard things or was dreaming.
- You joking, Matt, right?
- Not at all. We've got Harry with us and he's a genius but even he isn't capable of doing everything, you know, pictures and videos and stuff. So we thought maybe you could help? What do you think?
- I... But I have to get back to work...
- We pay good money. - Matt grins.
- Oh no, no, no, it's not about that! It's just... Leave everything and go, just like that?
- You don't have to leave everything. It's just five more weeks. Of course if you don't want to we totally understand that. We're not giving you too much time to think about it after all.
- You're giving me no time at all, you meant to say. When do you expect to get the answer?
Matt scratched his head.
- Morning. We're hitting the road again.
- Ok then... I will think about it during my shopping.
Monica waved him good bye and jumped outside the bus. She still couldn't believe she's got such a huge opportunity! That kind of things do not happen to random people, especially not to her. She wasn't the lucky one so why would she be fortunate enough now? What should she do? Their offer was incredibly tempting, what is the possibility that it will happen again? She so wanted to say "yes" but she knew it would've been extremely stupid and irresponsible. She had her work, responsibilities, she couldn't forget about it. On the other hand you can always change your job, right? And also Matt told her that she's gonna get paid for that so even in the event of losing her job she would still have some savings.
What should I do?, she thought, checking where the shopping mall was.