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Sidekick Wanted

Do you want to be a sidekick fighting crime beside one of the most decorated superheroes of all time; with the guarantee that you'll get home (eventually) and if you don't it probably won't matter anymore?  We offer that and more.

The Superhero

The Shadow has been in the superhero business for over three decades and has saved the city of Somewhere on multiple occasions.  She was even honored last year with a statue in front of the City Council building and inaugurated into the Superhero Hall of Fame with one of the greatest records in solving hostage situations peacefully. 

The Benefits

Learning from the best.

Higher survival rate.

Good Pay (in city bonds)

Getting free stuff (as long as you're in your costume.)

The Requirements

These qualities are necessary in the sidekick The Shadow is looking for.

Full martial and defensive arts training under his or her belt. (And the ability to secure that belt on. No shade Mr. Incredible.)

Multilingual Ability: In a city as international as Somewhere, the ability to converse with snitches and felons is necessary.  No faking, and no calling Alexa in the middle of a fight. Or using Google Translate for that matter.

No Capes.  As an individual The Shadow will respect her sidekick's costume of choice as long as it does not include a cape, glitter, expandex in the nether region, flashy nylon looking materials, fishnets and other things she might add on to the list.  Elegance and professionalism are the two most important qualities a costume should inspire.  #NoMoreHookerHeroes

Life Insurance. Sorry but life insurance does not come with the job, so you better come with the life insurance. That's if you care about the family you might (will) leave behind.

No family.  This is not really a requirement, but if your parents are dead, and you're single as hell, with little to no friends the better.  No one needs to know you're dead and go through the pain of mourning you. 

The Extras

These are not mandatory, but they are essentially obligatory, meaning The Shadow has the right to fire you if you fail to meet these qualities.

No stutterers.  The sidekicks and superheroes who stutter are usually the first to die, so don't bother.

Be attractive.  We're not saying uggos are out from the race, but the public tends to trust better looking people more, soo... yeah, no uglies. 

Be submissive.  Your opinions are valuable ... to someone else, but not The Shadow.  If she doesn't ask for it, don't give it.

The Application

Submit your resume by strolling around in Le Cul de Sac -- the most violent, criminal infested section of the city -- in the middle of the night in the most please-mug-me looking costume you have.  Not if, but when you are eventually mugged, if The Shadow comes out to save you, you're hired. 

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