The Memory of Fate (Book 4)

16. Followed for Forgiveness

Bennett

As soon as I heard the knock on the door, I was off the couch and pulling it open and throwing my arms around my brother. David hugged me back, but not as tight as he normally did.

"Ben, hold on," he said, taking a small step back. "I'm sorry."

I stared at him. "What? Sorry? For what?"

"It's you. From the studio."

The voice didn't come from David. I turned to the left and stared at my mother. What the hell was she doing here?

"She followed me, Ben, I'm sorry."

I didn't look at my brother, continuing to stare at my mother. Without saying anything, I grabbed David's wrist and pulled him inside my apartment, shutting the door before she could attempt to follow us inside.

"What the hell, Dave?" I demanded, then started pacing the room. "She just happened to follow you?"

"I..." He sighed. "On my way here, she saw me. She asked about you, and if I knew where you were. I accidentally let it slip that I was on my way to see you. I didn't know she was following me until she appeared as soon as I got here. If I had known she was here, I never would have knocked."

I was upset, but I wasn't too mad at him. It was all directed at her, who couldn't seem to let the past go. Why was she so determined to find me after not wanting anything to do with me for the last five years?

"What does she want from me, Dave?" I asked, leaning against the wall. "After five years?"

"After everything she's done to you, I understand why you don't want anything to do with her. But you don't even want to give her a chance?"

I shook my head. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. Yes, I would love to have my mother back, but I knew it wouldn't be easy. It would require a lot of effort from both of us and, honestly, I didn't believe she was serious about putting in her share.

The doorknob jiggled and I froze, staring at it. Was she crazy enough to force her way in here?

In the next second, the door opened and Pat walked in. I let out a sigh of relief, although after everything that happened last night and this morning between us, I wasn't sure how much of a relief it really was.  

Then he walked all the way inside and my mother followed him in.

"Hey, Bennett," Pat said, eyeing David up. "Uh, is Theresa here yet? This woman said she's her mom?"

I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I could barely think.

David stepped forward. "She needs to leave."

"And who the fuck are you?" Pat demanded, stepping towards David. "You have no right to tell her to do anything."

"Bennett's my brother."

My mother gasped. "David, that is nonsense! You don't have a brother."

Theresa then appeared in the still-open doorway. "What's going on?" she asked, looking between all of us.

"Your mom is here," Pat answered. "But I'm confused about everything else."

My mother and Theresa looked at each other. Of course, neither of them recognized the other.

"She's... not?" Theresa said. "Can someone please explain this?" She looked at me. "Ben?"

I shook my head. "She's my mom," I said, my voice no higher than a whisper. I wished this wasn't happening. I wished Pat and Theresa weren't here to witness this. "Or... she was my mom."

David placed his hand on my shoulder. It was comforting. "Mom, please leave," he said. "If you can't accept him, you can't be here."

I watched her face as the realization finally dawned on her. She took a step towards me. "Ther-"

"Bennett," I interrupted. "My name is Bennett."

She nodded. "Bennett. Of course. Can we talk, please?"

I took a deep breath and looked up at my brother. He nodded, encouragingly. "Okay," I said, looking back at my mother. "We can go into my room."

She followed me into my bedroom and I shut the door behind her. We then stood there, neither of us saying anything for a long moment.

"When you said you weren't straight," she started, "this is what you meant? That you didn't want to be a girl?"

I shook my head. "I never felt right. I always knew I was different." I sat on the edge of my bed. "Transitioning has been the best decision of my life. This is who I was meant to be."

She sat down next to me. "You look so different... and your voice... the beard..."

I cracked a smile. "Yeah, I'm sort of proud of it." Even taking the testosterone, it took years for me to grow enough hair on my face for it to start looking good. But talking about it just brought up memories of Tommy teaching me to shave and I didn't want that.

"Can you really accept me, Mom?" I asked. "I know I'm not your daughter anymore, but you're still my mom. And..." I hesitated, looking down at my hands in my lap. "I miss you."

The next thing I knew, she was hugging me. I almost started crying as I wrapped my arms around her. I couldn't remember the last time she hugged me.

She suddenly backed away. "Your chest."

I laughed at the shocked expression on her face. "I had them surgically removed last year."

She shook her head. "There's a lot I don't know and don't understand, but I would love to learn. You may not be my daughter anymore, but you're still my kid. I'm so sorry I couldn't try to see that years ago."

Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes. I hugged her again, so glad that I could.