As excited as I started out by the time afternoon hits my enthusiasm has already started ebbing, and with it my strength. I'm beyond elated that we're actually on a trail and soon it will all be over but it's hard to stay positive when it feels like there's an empty pit inside me. No, pit doesn't quite fit, because it feels like it's sucking my life force into it, like a black hole. I'm not sure if it's because I've almost died like a dozen times in the past few days, because I tried to end a man's life, because I saw Abby end a man's life, or something else entirely. It could also just be because I'm starving. It could literally just be the lack of food in me and I'm just being paranoid by trying to tie the feeling to something psychological. It probably just is food and I'm over thinking it. The only reason I thought otherwise is because Dean once described his depression as feeling like a black hole inside his gut, eating away at him. I remember him saying that when he met Nicole that black hole miraculously got filled. If only Dean were here, he'd make some snarky but needed remark to help me feel better.
The ground is a lot easier to walk on now that we're on the trail. The open space between trees on the left and right of us allows the sunlight to fully penetrate the ground we're walking on and dry it so we're not stepping in muck that tries to cling and hinder us from continuing on. We also don't have to worry about stepping on lose rocks, tripping over roots, or strenuous steps to get up or off a ledge. If we didn't have a clean man made trail and had to continue walking through the conditions we were going through I don't think we could make it, or at least I wouldn't. My feet are already just shuffling along the ground. I'm still not sure I'll make it, the black hole inside me feels likes it's going to suck in the rest of my life force. It's been nothing but constant running and walking since I woke up lost. When I told Abby that we were three days away it was a little misleading. It was three days for people with all their energy, not two starved and exhausted individuals trying to escape the cartel. I can't keep going the same amount of distance each day I have been. Everyday I'll be able to cover less and less ground and I'm not sure how long wild berries or even tree bark can sustain a person.
Looking over at Abby's feet I notice she has boots on now. They're laced super tight with long laces wrapped a couple times around the leg and triple knotted. I'm only confused for a second before I realize Abby must have taken them from the man she killed. I must not have noticed because I was too focused on the pain in my leg or the pink frothy blood coming out of the man's mouth. Part of me finds Abby killing a man and taking his boots disturbing but I don't blame her because the socks I had given her became wet and they offer little comfort on some of the terrain we've had to cover. Not to mention that I heard once that most of someone's body heat escapes through their feet. Even though the fact that I was committed to killing the man before failing and that it was to save my life, there's still awkward tension in the air over the fact that Abby killed a man and we hadn't talked about it.
"What's that?" Abby asks, pulling my eyes from her feet. I look to where her head is pointing and sure enough a lil ways off the trail and into woods is something blue. Something about that blue seems incredibly familiar. I find myself quickly moving towards it before I even realize why it's even familiar.
Pop-up tent! The blue in the woods is my large blue pop-up tent in its blue circular cover. Abby breaks out laughing in joy after reading on the side of the cover what's inside. I don't stay to join in celebration but instead take off farther into the woods. Soon tears of happiness stream down my cheeks as I burst into a fit of laughter as well. Abby is still looking at the tent and hasn't even realized what I found. Picking it up, I carry it back to Abby and dump it in front of her.
"My camping backpack!" I exclaim.
Abby falls to her knees and breaks down in tears of happiness. I immediately set to work setting up camp. Before long I have the tent up with sleeping bag and bedroll inside. The camping stove is heating the last of our river water and I have three clean water bottles in my pack to drink. The ecstasy of having food, shelter, a sleeping bag, and other amenities seems to have eliminated the awkward tension between Abby and I. As we watch the water in the pot come to a boil we share a smile. Not just a simple contortion of the face to show happiness but an expression of gratitude, trust, shared pain, and value we place in each other. Every once in a while though while Abby is looking at the pot I catch her smile turning sour. I can sense the turmoil going on in her head but whenever she notices me looking the pained expression quickly evaporates and she smiles at me.
