Blacklight

69 9 2

Author: wolfpack11122

Genre: Fantasy/Steampunk

Mature


In your request, you mentioned that the cover doesn't make sense at the moment but it will become relevant as the story unfolds, so I won't place too much emphasis on this. The title fits the story quite well, and you already mention what Blacklight is and its significance in the first chapter.

You have an undeniable skill when it comes to descriptions. In Chapter 1, I could instantly picture Rayne's surroundings, how she was feeling, what she was thinking, etc. You did an excellent job of explaining the setting, and you used many sensory details which allowed your audience to really imagine the liveliness of the story. 
However, I found some areas in the story to be a bit wordy. For example, in Chapter 1, I feel that your first sentence could be written a bit more simply while still describing the same picture. Keep an eye out for sections that contain more explanations/more complicated vocabulary than what is truly necessary to describe the picture in mind. 

I thought the story got off to an excellent start. The prologue offered just enough information to keep your audience on the edge of their seats without leaving them confused. It ended on a suspenseful note and left plenty of room for you to continue your story!

Something in particular that I found to be very unique is the dialogue you used. In the first chapter, Westley spoke how I would imagine a pirate to talk. This fit extremely well into the section, especially considering that it took place on a ship. This is a sign of excellent writing, as I already imagined the characters to be pirates before it was mentioned. 

The mood of the story is rather mysterious and it remains that way throughout. I think you did an excellent job of using the mood and your descriptions to further portray the characters' mysterious lives and past experiences. The subtle mentioning of unsettling past events also contributes to the suspense of the story, and it keeps your readers interested in the plot.

I also quite like how you separate the chapters into sections that follow each of the characters' experiences. I like this setup, as it allows your readers to follow along with the characters and keep up with the events of each of their lives simultaneously.  
When I originally saw the length of the chapters, I expected them to be packed with multiple different events. I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered that they were based around one main event, and that the lengths of the chapters were primarily built from descriptions. The story immediately grasped my attention and held it throughout!

The characters are each nicely developed, and it is clear that you spent plenty of time planning your story and developing a background story for each of them. The events of their lives seem to have greatly contributed to who the characters are today, and you offer interesting little hints as to what events occurred in the past. The characters are each very unique and they have lived extremely different lifestyles, yet they are all brought together by the Empress's interest in each of them. 

Overall, I thought your writing was absolutely spectacular and the story was suspenseful and entertaining. The characters are very well-described and their lives are complicated and interesting. The events of the story are also unique, and you bring everything together to build up such an incredible world!

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