August 28, 2016: The Day I Read a Ridiculously Long Email (Part 1)

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I just scrolled to the bottom of Will's email to see how long it is, and the thing is practically a dissertation. He must have stayed up all night to write it. The man is certifiably insane. Who does that?

(Don't you dare answer that, Diary. I'm different. Artists have a special license to go into frenzied fits of writing until dawn to express their feelings. Lawyers don't.)

I haven't read the email yet, but I'm sure every word of it is nonsense. I don't have the time to waste on nonsense today, so...here, Diary. I'll print it all out for you. You can read it and give me the Cliff's Notes version.

Now I'm going to get some sleep before I head over to my new place. I've already lost a night because of Will Darcy. He is not going to ruin my day, too.

***

Dear Ms. Bennet:

As my beliefs about your feelings towards me were so far off base, I will not now presume to foresee your reaction to the sight of this email.

However, I will presume to guess that both you and I would be happy to forget our encounter tonight as soon as possible. I assure you that the temporary insanity that drove me to broach the subject of a romantic relationship between us has passed, and I have no intention of debasing myself further by renewing that discussion.

Therefore, the purpose of this email is not to continue my pursuit of you, nor to seek your approbation through an insincere apology. I cannot and will not apologize for falling in love, no matter how disgusting and laughable those feelings may be to you.

My purpose in writing is only this: to defend myself against the unjustified accusations you laid against me tonight. Though I respect your decision to reject me as a romantic partner, I cannot allow you to malign my character as a man.

First, you accused me of "breaking Jane's heart" by "sending Charles away to California." You seem to believe that I schemed to separate them, and that I'm the sort of person who enjoys sabotaging the happiness of my friends.

This could not be further from the truth. When Charles first told me about his feelings for Jane, I wanted to support him. After watching him suffer through many short, toxic relationships in his twenties, I wanted to believe he had found a good woman at last.

But as I observed Jane, I found it impossible to ignore the mounting evidence of her ulterior motives. Like many beautiful women before her, Jane was clearly taking advantage of Charles for his money and connections.

From the moment Charles and I met your family, your mother made no secret of her obsession with Hollywood fame and fortune. On July 4 she introduced Jane as an actress and arranged for her to take a walk alone with Charles. On July 9 she persuaded Jane to gain entry to Charles' house by collapsing on his driveway in revealing attire. On July 16 she spread rumors at Charles' housewarming party that Jane would soon star in a movie he produced.

I do not fault children for the actions of their parents. However, not once did Jane prove, or even profess, that her intentions were different from her mother's.

Jane was complicit in every one of your mother's schemes. She showed no remorse for participating in the calculated ruse that resulted in her heatstroke. She turned a blind eye to your mother's shameful behavior at the housewarming party. She never once assured Charles that she liked him for himself, not for his friends in the film industry.

In fact, she showed no indications that she liked Charles at all. While Charles showered Jane with affection, her attitude towards him was amicable, at best. During their brief relationship Charles confessed to me, distraught, that Jane never called him, or invited him out, or told him she missed him when he was at home in California. More than once, he drank himself into a crying fit because he suspected Jane saw him only as a friend.

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