A Million Dollars for Love |ManXMan|

5,000

After therapy, Nick held onto my hand tighter, his hand was always on my shoulder or back. We walked to the car and he opened the door for me and I got in, he closed it after me and slid into his own seat. He didn't start the car, he just gripped the wheel with both hands and stared straight ahead.

I knew what I wanted to say, I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for dragging him into my trauma, I wanted to tell him it was alright to let me go, I wouldn't hold anything against him. I wanted to tell him that we could part now, and both be fine. I wanted to tell him to just forget about everything.

"Do you want to get junk food?" he asked suddenly, just as I was about to suggest we break up.

"What?" I breathed.

"I really want some fucking French fries, how about you, are you hungry?" he asked, still not looking at me.

"Sure" I replied, "yeah, I could go for something"

So, he started the car and drove to the nearest drive through, he got a chicken wrap and a large fry, I ordered a burger and fries. When he handed me the bag of food he turned onto the highway.

"We aren't going home?" I asked, watching his face for any hint of anger or aggression.

"I was thinking we could eat at the park, if that's okay with you" he cast me a quick glance, "we can go home if you want to"

"No, the park sounds good"

The park was just a mile or so away, so it didn't take long to pull into the parking lot and get out. He grabbed his picnic blanket from the back and draped it over my shoulders. He took the bag from me and took my hand as well.

We walked in silence past the playground and on the path around the pond until we got to a section of a few wooden picnic tables. He suggested the one in the sun and I agreed. I sat on the side facing the water and he sat next to me. We divvied up our food and began to eat.

"Are you mad at me?" I blurted out as he was biting into three fries. He chewed quickly and shook his head.

"Of course, not love" he cradled my cheek in his palm, "what made you think that?"

"You've been really quiet, you usually always have something to say" I pulled at the fraying ends of the blanket around me.

"Honesty I've been plotting to kill those people" he said, "but I know you wouldn't like that. Thinking of you in that situation just makes me feel so helpless. I didn't even know about it, but I wish I did something. I'm so used to having control and being able to take care of everything. I know it happened to you, but it's just thrown me for a loop. Sorry" he explained.

"I was worried you were going to break up with me" I said, and he snapped his head to look at me.

"God no" Nick smiled, "I spent ten years dreaming of you, you think I'd let you go because of something that wasn't your fault? Never." He promised.

"I don't know" I shrugged and picked at my food, not super hungry but enough to finish off the fries, "I think I'm gross sometimes, I always demanded control in relationships and situations, but I had no control back then and it just made me feel so dirty. That's why I was so hesitant about you. But you don't make me feel dirty" I said.

"I'm glad about that" he ran his fingers through my hair and pressed a small kiss to me temple. We finished eating and he went to throw the trash away, "want to take a short walk?" he asked with his hand out.

I nodded and took his hand, felling his warmth envelop me as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. He hugged me tightly and kissed my face all over. My forehead, eyelids, nose, cheeks, and finally my lips.

When he pulled away, we walked onto the trail again.

"When I was in college, I went to a frat party on campus, Alpha Beta Phi," he said, "I was so excited to be free and out of the house, my parents had decided everything for me until then and I was so determined to be wild and free. I drank- as all stupid college freshman do. There was this girl from a Sorority, I think her name was Kelsey. She was pretty and started talking to me. Now I knew I was gay, but she was just a funny person. One of the frat brothers came up to us and started talking to us too. I mentioned an ex-boyfriend and the brother- god I don't even remember his name. It was something really white- like Chad"

I sputtered out a laugh at the name Chad- it really was just a bad name.

"Exactly" Nick squeezed my hand, "anyway he looked at me weird and offered to get me and Kelsey new drinks. I didn't think twice about agreeing, what did I have to worry about? I was a guy. He got us both drinks and we continued talking. He ended up giving me three more drinks throughout the night and as the party started winding down, I started feeling really out of it. Kelsey had left with her sisters and I was left talking to Chad. I told him I felt really sick and should go home, he told me I could rest in his room and he began dragging me to the stairs and that's kinds when it hit me"

"You were drugged" I said.

"yeah" he sighed, "I didn't think things like that happened to guys. Thank god for a stupid red head named Carson. He lived in the dorm across from me and noticed I was stumbling. Him and Kate interjected and told Chad that I was his roommate and that he should get me home. Chad fought a little bit but gave in and Carson let me sleep on his couch. That feeling. Of having not control, no say, of feeling so helpless. That's what made me this way." He sounded guilty.

"I like you the way you are" I mentioned, "I wouldn't have you any other way"

"Really?" he asked, "you wouldn't like me more if I wasn't into bdsm?"

"nah" I smiled, "that's what makes you interesting. I never really felt safe in any other relationship, I grew up thinking love was so temporary. I mean everyone who loved me died. That does something to your brain Nick. I feel safe with you. Even when you blind fold me and do pervy stuff" I teased.

"Hey" he stopped walking and pulled me back to him, "I love you, just the way you are"

"Look at us" I laughed, "just two sets of damaged goods"

"I wouldn't have it any other way"