Someone had to take the blame for what happened. I needed to have some semblance of control because I wasn't going to be the victim in this story. Nor, would I allow me to be the evil villain. The heroin was the role I was born to play. I would save him from himself while I tore his world down to the ground. I would save them all. They would thank me for it later. They just didn't know it yet.
Big Oaf and I didn't last long. Kissing him was its own bitter misery. I am thankful to him though because I discovered something about myself while dating him. I discovered that I could be cruel and that it made no bit of difference. They would still chase after me.
I was verbally cruel to Big Oaf, I tore him down with my words. They were just subtle enough that he didn't understand what I was doing.
"Are you sure you understand how to do that?" I might ask. "Maybe you should ask Mr. Beautiful to help you, that seems pretty complicated." Or.
"You didn't do well on that math test? It was pretty easy. Like 4th grade work. Are you sure you didn't do well? Have you considered a tutor? I think there might be SOMEONE who can help you!"
My personal favorite, "You failed again? That's tough...I cannot imagine having to struggle like that...day in and day out,"
"Like what?" he'd ask with a deep curiosity in his eyes.
"Oh, you know...struggle... it's alright to be a little 'special'." I'd say sweetly.
"Special?... You think I'm dumb or something?" there was a desperation in his words.
It was like he was begging me to be kind to him. Maybe a part of him valued what I had to say but I couldn't find it within myself to be kind to him. I just needed to be careful with him. I was always careful with how I treaded with Big Oaf. There was a dangerous side to him, the desperate side that I needed to be mindful of.
"I never said that. You are being crazy, stupid. Why would I call you dumb you, big dummy! That's all you. You are in your own head Big Oaf." I'd smile and run my fingers through his hair. I'd have to remember to wash my hands afterward.
The insults had to be laced with nice words. He couldn't completely understand what I was doing to him. I already knew he thought himself to be dumb, using the word would only trigger him.
"You can't lose your confidence because of a few test results. You aren't dumb...it's just that learning is...it's just a bit of a challenge for you. Make sense?" His eyes grew wide.
He didn't understand. I could sense his growing frustration. "I don't...what...I don't...know..."
I cut him off and take his face in my hands. "Listen, you big dummy, I am not calling you a big dummy you dumb oaf. I am just saying that you are beautiful. Beautiful people don't need to worry about these things. You will be fine!" my voice soothing as I stroked his cheek with my thumb. Gross.
I kissed his cheek since the thought of willingly touching his lips revolted me. He smiled down at me with those big eyes of his. I had soothed him. Idiot. Only an idiot wouldn't have noticed what I had just done.
I continued to lower his self-esteem while dating him. Using his insecurities about his intelligence to further break him down. He couldn't hold a candle to Mr. Beautiful but I think deep down he knew that. Deep down he knew he was unworthy. I was doing him a favor reminding him of where he REALLY stood in the world.
There will always be Mr. Beautiful's that were better than him. He would always be less than. The sooner he understood his place the better. He may have won the battle but he would lose the war. It didn't take long for me to remove myself from his grasp. I just needed to break him down enough to settle for someone else.
He would have to place his dirty arm across someone else's shoulder. Diana, perhaps. Yes, sweet Diana. She would do nicely. It wasn't too hard to convince him that she was the better choice. She wanted to be with him. He was right about that, she did have a thing for him.
Getting her to date him was so easy I secretly hated myself for not taking advantage of that sooner. I could have been out from under him long ago. No matter. I had successfully removed him from his throne.
Mr. Beautiful was back on top only this time it was Amanda that stood by his side. I was fine with that. Amanda may be able to replace me as his number one but she could never take away my number two position at the school. I would always be Michelle's favorite.
Big Oaf had fallen and he fell hard and fast. His rise to the top so fleeting that one might say he had never risen at all. Perhaps, he now understood his place in the world. He was number two only because Mr. Beautiful had deemed it so.
If I had my way, he would have fallen much further down. Oh wait a minute, I did have my way! Down he goes Big Oaf would fall. By the time we graduated from Middle School Big Oaf was no big deal. Number two was a fleeting memory of the life he had before Cathy.
He barely graduated and even Diana worshipped Big Oaf (which I hadn't realized that at the time) he was no match for me. Those two though, they were a good match. Big Oaf wanted to be idolized and Diana worshipped him like her idol. Easy as pie.
Too bad it didn't come sooner but lessons were learned here. Lessons were learned. Men...behold, when you want to dance with fire prepare to get burned.
Author's Note: Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think about this group.
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