Mr. Beautiful and I spent a lot of time together. It was pretty innocent considering what my friend Amanda was doing. She had started dating a guy from another school. He lived in our neighborhood. Big Oaf was alone and still had his eyes set on me but I was spoken for and would be for another year. Amanda had lost her virginity that year.
She was in love with that guy. That guy who tried to bed me. It surprised me at first how he could try to get between my legs when he was with her. It took me a short while to remember that men only want one thing. This guy, that my best friend was in love with, was a loser who wasn't worthy of her love.
He thought that he could have us both and he quickly discovered that he was sorely mistaken. He tried for over 6 months before he gave up trying. I am many things but I am not a traitor.
Traitors are unworthy. Amanda had not betrayed me and I would honor her loyalty. That boy would never have me. I let him kiss me once but that didn't count. It was peer pressure. Yes, mean girls can be peer pressured too. Especially when it comes from those in your group that tell you that you lack the experience required to associate with them.
A kiss is just a kiss. Before you get started...she knew about it. She knew before it happened. I'm no traitor. That's what I told myself. He kissed like shit. It was a waste of my time. This guy though was a piece of work. He somehow thought that the one kiss would lead to many more.
He didn't know me very well. I did what I had to do to salvage my reputation but I would not allow myself to become a traitor. Loyalty is important. No matter how much he tried to make me believe he cared about me. He would stand outside my building waiting for me to come out.
He would follow me to the playground and tell me how he couldn't get me out of his head. He would tell me that my friend meant nothing to him. Nothing.to.him, that's what he said. The girl, whose virginity he took at twelve meant nothing to him so what would I mean to him? The same.
I envisioned him telling her those same words about the girl before her. I imagined him telling the girl after me the same as well and on and on he would go down the line. Taking, always taking and never really giving anything in return. Maybe, he believed that broken promises were a gift. A life lesson perhaps...Never trust those beautiful words.
He could never replace Mr. Beautiful. He was...well...beautiful. I had bigger fish to fry. What I hadn't known at the time was how much Big Oaf wanted me. It wouldn't be until the 8th grade when I discovered just how far he would go to take me away from Mr. Beautiful. I sometimes wonder what would have happened between us if things had been different.
Don't be naïve, I'm not thinking that we would still be together. That's plain nonsense. What I meant was, would it be possible for me to have fallen in love with him? Would I have given myself to him had we have stayed together? I suppose it is possible. Of course, it did not turn out that way so get your head out of the gutter.
If you remember, I didn't want to grow up. I was going to hold onto something that I never really had but when I gave myself to someone it would be on my own terms. No one else would take it from me. No one.
I know that Mr. Beautiful cared about me. He had even brought me home to meet his parents. He took me on a tour of his neighborhood, and I knew, deep down that, he cherished what we had. I was the girl you could bring home to your parents. I was a good girl. I wasn't just his arm candy and he knew that. Together, we were the power couple. We were envied.
Those who wanted to be me knew that the best way to do that would be through him. 'Get him!' that's what they thought. If they could get him to cheat on me, they could prove they were better than I was. Foolish girls. He looked at me as though I was the only person in the room. They never stood a chance. Losers.
Even if they had managed to steal him that would prove nothing. It would only have meant that I had given him too much credit. They weren't better than me, that simply wasn't possible. The simple truth of the matter was, no one could take him from me.
I would do that all to myself. I screwed it up. I'm sorry Mr. Beautiful. You were always special to me. The feelings I had for you were stronger than I had for anyone else (until I met my husband). Letting you go and treating you the way that I did, it wasn't right.
You were collateral damage. I heard the stories about how your life turned out. How I wish I had made better choices. Maybe if I had, you wouldn't have become so jaded. You were always special to me. Please, never forget that. I'm sorry.
Author's Note: There's more to come regarding Mr. Beautiful. I hope he's found his happiness. Thanks for reading.
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