Do I End Up Happy?

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"And that was my night." Of course he hadn't told Awsten all the details of the threesome. Who would? He hoped that some of the things he did that night stayed between the three of them to an extent. Instead, he told Awsten about the incredible breakfast Chloe had made for him and his ride back home. Geoff always seemed to get interesting Uber drivers for some reason. "Now tell me all about yours. What was so bad that it was bad day worthy?"

"Do I have to?" Awsten whined, sipping his sub par orange juice. They claimed it was freshly squeezed but he doubted it. Either way, it had nothing on his preferred orange juice; HEB. It was more expensive than most brands but Awsten had expensive tastes in almost every aspect of his life. The best things in life were expensive in his mind. "I'd literally rather take a bath with a toaster."

"You're being over dramatic." He wasn't. Awsten was over dramatic to say the least during most days but he was pretty hellbent on not reliving the last 24 hours. He wasn't sure how something he was looking forward to the idea of for so long turned out to be such a mess. If he was more self aware, he probably would have realized that he had idealized Michaela; propping her up on a pretty little pedestal. He would have realized that he didn't like Michaela but liked the idea of her. He would have known that he liked who he wanted her to be and not who she was. If Awsten was self aware, he would've known a lot of things. Like how his roommate felt about him. "It couldn't have been that bad."

"It was no threesome." Awsten mumbled, only slightly jealous of his roommate. He wasn't as sexually experienced as his peers but he chalked that up to being picky with his partners. He had only had a handful of partners in his life and all of them had been girls he had dated long term. Awsten didn't believe in one night stands so he hadn't exactly had a ton of sex. He hadn't ever had a friends with benefits before but he wasn't exactly opposed to the idea. He just wasn't sure if he was jealous over Geoff or the girls.

"It was no getting punched in the face." Geoff retorted more sharply than intended, left hand gesturing to his face. His pain tolerance wasn't the greatest. He always had thought that it was about average but he was seriously starting to rethink that. Geoff had broken his arm once as a child but he didn't remember it all too much. Aside from that, he was pretty good about making sure he wasn't ever hurt. His lip was a reminder of his mistake from the night before, the small throb here and there let him never forget it.

"You didn't remember it so it couldn't have hurt that bad." He grinned at his roommate. Awsten's day was starting to get better just by being around the other boy. There was something about Geoff that made him feel comfortable. He didn't feel like he had to impress Geoff like he had to impress everyone else. It helped that Geoff's smile was practically contagious and would rub off on him instantly. He wouldn't say it out loud but he liked having Geoff around. His apartment finally started to feel like a home.

"Shut up loverboy." Geoff shot the boy across from him a dirty look. His eyes usually resembled that of an ocean but if Awsten had to describe them in that moment, a tidal wave seemed closure to the truth. Awsten had a tendency to push boundaries; enough was never enough for him. It drove the people he considered his closest friends further away from him than he liked at times. He was aware of what he was doing but couldn't stop. He was a passenger to his actions as he was being driven off a cliff.

"Fuck you." The words came out of Awsten's mouth without a hint of seriousness behind them. The retort sounded softer than usual and less bitter than it usually would. Perhaps it was that deep down, Awsten enjoyed the pet name. It didn't matter if he didn't say it out loud, he knew it in his soul. His mind wandered briefly to the idea of being saved in the other boy's phone as loverboy. If that were the case, he didn't think he would mind it.

"Sorry, shut up princess." Geoff had taken to calling the purple haired boy princess a week before. He heard it come out of Ciara's mouth and didn't like the way it originally sounded. Like most of the things she said, there was a foul tone to it and an air of disgust. It had become customary for Geoff to take some of the negative words to describe Awsten and spin them into something more positive and with happier undertones. He still hadn't fully taken to the term of unintentional endearment, a pout ever-present on his lips. "Tell me about this party."

**********

Awsten had his arms crossed over his chest and was trying to tune out the scene in front of him. There was a pop song from a few years back blasting over the chatter of strangers. People were pressed against one another, the fraternity being big but not big enough to contain half the campus. The air reeked of marijuana, stale cigarettes and cheap beer. Awsten wanted to be anywhere but wedged between an attractive couple making out and a fraternity guy that made him feel like he looked as small as a mouse. He snaked his way across the room, attempting to find the charismatic girl he originally came with.

Michaela had brought him and hadn't had the decency to stay by his side, not that he expected her to. Ciara often used to bring him to parties and leave him to his own devices but he was never happy about it. Ciara at least had the courtesy to wait until he seemed comfortable enough to be left alone. Michaela had introduced him to quite a few people, including almost everyone in her sorority. He just hadn't hit it off with anyone so far, male or female. She asked him multiple times if he was alright with her leaving him to grab a drink with one of her sorority sisters and he had insisted he was fine. He was lying.

The song had changed to a song he recognized; one of his favorite Donald Glover songs. If he had been around Jawn, he probably would started rapping along while the other ignored him entirely in favor of editing photos. If he was with Geoff, he would've started dancing rather poorly, earning a laugh from his roommate. He couldn't do any of that with all the strangers that filled the rooms of the once silent house.

Awsten wasn't generally an anxious person but he wasn't always the best with people. He couldn't articulate how he was feeling to save his life and spent nearly every waking moment trying not to think that everyone was staring at him. He both craved the attention and repelled it simultaneously. It didn't help that he wasn't great in large groups of people and had a tongue that his mother often called sharp.

He had spent enough time away from Michaela's side. She was the reason he was even here after all. Awsten wouldn't have been caught dead anywhere near a party this obnoxious. Every blonde he saw, he prayed it was the barista but with every passing moment his hope was dwindling.

He was under the impressesion that finding the other girl would turn his evening back around. Her laugh would be louder than the sound of whichever song they were playing. Her skin would be softer than the satin slip dresses that passed him in the crowd. Her lips on his would make him happy. There was only one problem. Awsten was never happy.

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