It's okay to be sad sometimes. It's okay to sit alone in your room, and cry. Let it all out. Now I'm not sure if it's okay to cry everyday for 3 weeks straight though. I've been getting better at hiding how miserable I am at school. I've kinda just put on a 'I don't really give a fuck' attitude lately. Even though I did give a fuck and I cared way more than I should. My friends were picking up on it, and I don't think they like it very much. Neither do I, to be fair. When night time rolled around and I was alone in my room, I couldn't help but let all the built up emotion lose. I would shove my face in my pillow and sob for an hour or two. I'm not sure if Dallon could hear me but I honestly didn't care if he could. Not that he would care anyways. He's too busy with his boyfriend to even acknowledge that I'm a human being anymore.
Dallon totally avoids me at all costs. The times he can't, he'll just act like I'm not even there. In three weeks I've managed to lose my best friend, and myself. Watching Ryan and Dallon all happy together was slowly tearing me apart. It hurts really bad. Watching them laugh and giggle, and kiss in the hallways. Holding hands as they walked from class to class. It fucking sucked. Ryan and I were what I would consider friends. He'll wave at me in the hallway, offer me a soft smile, stop and talk to me if he has the chance. He's over everyday after school and he helps me make dinner when it's my turn and he'll tell me what's been going on in his life. He helps quite a bit with the awkwardness too. When we eat dinner he'll talk about random stuff and that helps avoid awkward silence. Ryan is a cool dude and I couldn't bring myself to hate him no matter how much I truly wanted to. After all, nothing is his fault. It's mine.
It's my fault Dallon won't even do so much as to glance at me. I can't blame him for my mistakes. I remember watching the news yesterday and I remember them saying the amount of rain we received is concerning and can lead to flooding if it keeps up. That only made me feel worse about not being able to not be sad. I don't want a flood to happen. I don't want to be the cause of such terrible destruction to people's homes. I don't wanna ruin anymore lives. I would never forgive myself. I've been trying to find happiness but goddamnit, it's hard. So here I am, spending my Saturday, sitting on the ground of the kitchen floor at 3am, eating a giant bowl of fruity pebbles.
I didn't hear anyone walk in over the crunching of my cereal. I only knew he had walked in because I saw him walk in out of the corner of my eye. "Wh..what're you doing?" He asks and I look up, mouth still full of cereal. I hold up a finger as I chew it, and once I'm done I look back up at him. "Eating my feelings away." I state and then shove another spoonful of cereal into my mouth causing milk to splatter on my pants a bit. Dallon frowns and he walks over to the fridge, pulling out a can of Dr. Pepper, and as he's walking out I can't help the words that fall from my mouth. "I do love you and I wish you could see that." I say, causing him to stop walking. It seemed as if he was thinking of what to say, but I notice him simply shake his head, sighing as I continues to walk out of sight.
I didn't finish the giant bowl of fruity pebbles, didn't have much of an appetite anymore. I sat on the ground, watching the bits of cereal float around in the milk. I can't do this. I stand up, placing it in the sink, and stand there. I didn't have school tomorrow. I can go somewhere, away from here. I can't be in this house knowing Ryan and Dallon are upstairs cuddling. Probably calling eachother cute names and giggling. I swallow harshly, and I was tempted to take the car, but I'm a terrible driver. Which is why Dallon usually drives. You know what, fuck it. I grab the keys, and slip my shoes on and head out the door as I pull a jacket on.
There's a park on the end of Oakwood St. The park was rundown, and old. Abandoned. Patches of grass were dying, the metal all rusted and old, and the fence was falling apart too. At one point it was beautiful though, and Dallon used to take me here all the time when we were younger. Most 13 year olds where playing video games and probably watching porn, but him and I, enjoyed the small things. When it was gloomy, he made sure to make the sunshine shine as bright as possible. Getting away helped and he knew that, so he took me here as much as possible. I didn't get why he was letting the sunshine be taken over by dark stormy clouds.
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I Never Gave A Damn About The Weather//BrallonFanfiction
Brendon Urie is different to say the least. His emotions basically controlled the weather. Dallon Weekes is the only one who knows about it and tries to keep Brendon feeling his best. The thing is, Brendon never gave a damn about the weather, and i...