Emilie's Baby

Five

Emilie

At the moment, I had the overwhelming urge to jump out of the car. I felt like I was headed straight for my own execution. If I felt like this, I wonder what Rowan felt like? His face looked impassive and he kept squeezing my hand every ten minutes or so trying to reassure me that he was okay, but I see the hard set of his jaw and the panicked look in his green eyes.

“Rowan, are you okay?” I whispered, glancing uncertainly toward the front of my brother's Tahoe, feeling like a child who was in trouble with mother. In return, all I received was a nod. I was a bit peeved at this, but who could blame him? His best friend had just thrown him under the bus. We both knew that this wasn't going to go well. Not at all.

“I'm sorry.” I mumbled, suddenly struck with an overwhelming amount of guilt. I couldn't help but feel that this was my fault. If I had stayed home instead of going out that night, we could have avoided this. I knew that I didn't do this all by myself, but neither one of us had expected one night to turn into what it had. We had created a life together and we were going to have to change everything in our lives so we could take care of this baby. Tears filled my eyes and even as I turned my head toward the window, not wanting anyone to see the evidence of my guilt, I knew that Rowan had caught on. He was pulling me toward him, not paying any attention to the look in my brother's eyes as he glared at us in the rear view mirror.

“Don't be sorry.” Rowan murmured, enclosing me in the warm shelter of his strong arms. I laid my head on his chest for a moment and closed my eyes, fighting a tidal wave of emotions. I felt so guilty. I felt like I had ruined his life. He hadn't asked for this, any of it. He was supposed to be a normal twenty -something year old guy, partying, getting laid, doing whatever made him happy. He wasn't supposed to be dealing with an angry best friend, a baby as a result of a one night stand, pissed off parents- well, one pissed off parent, my mother would be over the moon- or his whole life changing. Tears fell faster at these thoughts and I couldn't stop the sobs from escaping. God, I had ruined his life.

“Emilie, stop!” Mark barked angrily from the driver's seat, hitting his hand angrily against the steering wheel causing the horn to honk loudly. I only cried harder, feeling like I had completely screwed up the close relationship I'd had with Mark. He wasn't just angry with me, his was disappointed and somehow, that was worse than anything else.

“Mark you're not helping!” Rowan yelled back, tightening his arms around me. “Emilie, you didn't ruin anything, okay?” He whispered softly, his stubbly cheek pressed against the top of my head. “No, it isn't ideal, but I told you back at the house that we would figure it out. Together. And your parents have a right to be pissed, they're going to want to kill me and they have every right to do so.” His 'Thanks to Mark,' went unsaid but his eyes were yelling it. “And you know Mark is unhappy with what's going on, but he'll be fine eventually.” He finished, running a hand soothingly down my back. The tears had stopped, but my face felt puffy and swollen and my eyes stung a bit. “Tell me you understand?” He murmured, planting a soft kiss on the top of my head. I only nodded slowly. A sudden thought crossed my mind and without thought I blurted;

“You're not going to ditch me six months from now when you realize you're not ready for this, are you?”